Queer #1: He told me he had an 8 inch penis.
Queer #2: Oh really?
Queer #1: It was only 8 inches if he put it in twice.
–L train
Overheard by: Marcus and Nate
Queer #1: He told me he had an 8 inch penis.
Queer #2: Oh really?
Queer #1: It was only 8 inches if he put it in twice.
–L train
Overheard by: Marcus and Nate
Woman: Nigga, where you goin’?
Boy: Mom, action figures!
Woman: Nigga, the action figures is right here!
–Toys R’ Us, Times Square
White guy #1: Dude, so I was like, moving in on this girl, and she was pruding. So she was saying, “I’m not that kind of girl, find someone else to hook up with.”
White guy #2: But you weren’t gonna let her off that easy.
White guy #1: Course not. So I’m like, “But I wanna hook up with you.” So then I’m like, “Wanna dance?” And she’s like, “Okay.” And then when we get on the dance floor, this girl who was like a total prude the entire time becomes a freak. She was just like rubbin’ up on my pee-pee and everything.
White guy #3: So you think you’re gonna hook up with her tonight?
White guy #1: Nah nah, the odds of her touching my pee-pee tonight are slim.
–Palladium, 14th Street
Overheard by: The Smut Gremlin
Italian guy #1: For some guys, it’s all right.
Italian guy #2: The fucking Israelis started that shit.
Italian guy #1: I don’t see nothing wrong with it, if that’s what you’re into…
Italian guy #2: The day I wear a square-toed shoe, put me in the fucking ground!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: James
Dude: Yeah, I think I have this disease where I can’t remember people’s names.
Chick: You mean AIDS?
–The Big Easy, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Theresa
Hobo: You man, got a dollar?
Suit: Yeah, got change for a hundred?
–Water & Wall
Girl: …so then there was blood all over the wall–
Guy: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, so we were doing it in the bathroom and I mean, the
blood was, like, everywhere and we were like, okay, we’re at the
Plaza, we gotta get out. We were sooooo shitfaced. So then we left and got outta there…
–DuMont, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Anna K.
Girl #1: How bad am I? I’m going to have sex tomorrow and then pay a shiva call.
Girl #2: Who cares? You’ve got needs.
Girl #1: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
Girl #2: Remember when you had a harem?
Girl #1: Yeah, but I didn’t have sex with any of them. I just fooled around with them.
–Bleecker Street Bar
Girl #1: …sitting in a tree.
Girl #2: K. I. S. S. I. N. G.
Girl #1: First comes love–
Girl #2: Then comes the baby–
–125th/Saint Nicholas station
Overheard by: acq3
Two women pass each other on the street.
Woman #1: Saline?
Woman #2: Yep!
–St. Marks Place
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist