Chick #1: Excuse me, ma’am, but would you mind moving your bag so that my son and I could sit next to each other?
Chick #2: Honestly? I just don’t feel like going through the motions right now.
–6 train
Overheard by: Anne O.
Archive for 2005
Gee, I Wonder if She Likes Sex & the City?
A white girl on a cell drops a piece of paper. A Hispanic man picks it up.
Hispanic man: Senorita! Senorita!
White girl: What? Oh, sorry.
She returns to her call.
White girl: …No, I just thought I was being harassed.
–14th & University
That Requires Testimony, Old School
Girl: I don’t know if he’s straight or gay, I can’t tell.
Guy: You know that saying “innocent until proven guilty”? Well, everyone at Pratt is gay until proven straight.
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station
Overheard by: Peter F.
Instructor : Creepy :: Pope : Catholicism
LSAT guy: Okay, Kelly doesn’t know the answer to this one, so I’m going to call on her.
Kelly: Shit.
LSAT guy: You have no idea how much satisfaction that gives me, getting that response. I’m a total masochist in the classroom…and in the bedroom.
–Crowne Plaza Hotel, East 42nd Street
Confirmed: Melanin Induces Menstruation
Girl #1: Ooh, if he was black he would have kicked your ass…
Girl #2: Yeah, if he was a nigga you’d be bleeding all over me.
–1 train
Overheard by: Dustin Ragland
Put Some Pants on That Bird, Quick
Queer #1: Oh, no, no, I don’t like that one, find a Puerto Rican one!
Queer #2: I think this is going to be my wallpaper.
Bartender guy: Are you guys downloading porn?
Queer #2: Oh my god, a new Cuckoo for Cocoa Cocks just came out!
–Red, Fulton Street
Stopping Anti-Semitism Should Be the Cheap One
Hobo: Anyone got a dollar, anyone got a dollar? Anyone got a dollar, anyone got a dollar?
Lady: Here, take $5. Now get off the train. You givin’ us black people a bad name.
–D train
“I thought you liked housework, Cinderella.”
Girl: What happened to the raisinets?
Guy: I turned them into chocolate pudding and sent them to the ocean.
Girl: Ew. I thought you were supposed to be charming.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: brookie
So Christina Aguilera is Rich and Poor?
Guy #1: You dated her? Didn’t she used to have herpes?
Guy #2: “Used to”? Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.
Guy #3: Herpes is the poor man’s AIDS.
–Brother Jimmy’s, 2nd Avenue
No, She Masturbates Others for Man-lotion
Hobo: You got some nice skin.
Girl: Thanks.
Hobo: So you must masturbate yourself like all the time then, huh?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: still laughing