Crazy lady: You some kinda rabbi or something? What are you?
Uncrazy chick: What?
Crazy lady: What ethnicity are you?
Uncrazy chick: Uh, Mormon.
Crazy lady: Woman?
–98th & West End
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Archive for 2005
Please God, Say They Didn’t Do It on the Train
Bag lady: …but I got 33 days credit.
Hobo: Yeah, but you know if you get locked up again, you’re gonna be there for 60.
Bad lady: I know, then I’ll do half.
Hobo: I can’t believe that guy did that to you. I’m gonna set him up like a bowling pin. And you know what happens to bowling pins: they get knocked out.
–Staten Island Railway
Overheard by: David D.
That’s More Like Salad Tongs
Construction guy #1: Yo, when I got home last night, I had a 3 hour nap.
Construction guy #2: Oh yeah? Did you spoon with your boyfriend?
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: bernadette
Buster Poindexter is Spinning in His Grave
Girl: Who’s that on your t‑shirt?
Guy: Well, it says “New York Dolls”…
Girl: Is that Led Zeppelin?
Guy: Um, no, it’s the New York fucking Dolls!
Girl: Asshole.
–Beauty Bar, East 14th Street
Dude So Just Blew It
Girl: Ew, look at that bug by the curb. That’s no regular roach.
Guy: Yeah, that’s not a New York roach, it’s like a Middle Earth roach.
–28th & 7th
Overheard by: Randolph Hernandez
I Too Thought They Were Some Sort of Reptile
Hobo: Hi, My name is Sonny Page, I’m homeless and I’m hungry. If you don’t have it I understand ’cause I don’t have it. But if you could spare some money, food, a sandwich, I would really appreciate it.
Guy: Aw. Fuck, didn’t I give you change this morning? You’re still hungry?
–F train
Tastes Not-So-Great, More or Less Filling
Guy #1: Dude, do you actually have a refrigerator this time?
Guy #2: Yeah, of course.
Guy #1: Good, ’cause I don’t want an infection like I got last year from putting the beers in the toilet tank
Guy #3: Man, you chilled the beers in the toilet?
Guy #1: No dude, the toilet tank! I thought I would be safe but I woke up with one swollen eye and two swollen fingers.
–Bodega, 12th & B
That Would Be Aiding and Abetting a Fugitive
Man: Can I buy a $2 subway card?
Booth lady: You have to use the machine.
Man: Can’t you help me? I only have one arm.
–1st Avenue station
Overheard by: Jorge Montano
It’s Vampires Who Need Invites, Not People
Man: Can I see the takeout menu, please?
Counter guy: Do you want to stay?
–George’s Lunch, Greenwich Street
Another Brilliant Brian Kinney Campaign
Ad guy #1: “Up Your Budget”? I don’t get it.
Ad guy #2: It’s for the rental car company.
Ad guy #1: But it makes you think of Up Your Butt. Is that the point? Budget wants people to think about stuffing things in their ass?
Ad guy #2: I don’t know.
Ad guy #1: “Look at me, I’m stuffing things in my ass!” “We try harder, we’re number two. We’re stuffing things in our ass!”…Hertz!
–Madison & 50th
Overheard by: Kevin
