Archive for 2005

Please God, Say They Did­n’t Do It on the Train

Bag la­dy: …but I got 33 days cred­it.
Hobo: Yeah, but you know if you get locked up again, you’re gonna be there for 60.
Bad la­dy: I know, then I’ll do half.
Hobo: I can’t be­lieve that guy did that to you. I’m gonna set him up like a bowl­ing pin. And you know what hap­pens to bowl­ing pins: they get knocked out.

–Stat­en Is­land Rail­way

Over­heard by: David D.

I Too Thought They Were Some Sort of Rep­tile

Hobo: Hi, My name is Son­ny Page, I’m home­less and I’m hun­gry. If you don’t have it I un­der­stand ’cause I don’t have it. But if you could spare some mon­ey, food, a sand­wich, I would re­al­ly ap­pre­ci­ate it.
Guy: Aw. Fuck, did­n’t I give you change this morn­ing? You’re still hun­gry?

–F train

Tastes Not-So-Great, More or Less Fill­ing

Guy #1: Dude, do you ac­tu­al­ly have a re­frig­er­a­tor this time?
Guy #2: Yeah, of course.
Guy #1: Good, ’cause I don’t want an in­fec­tion like I got last year from putting the beers in the toi­let tank
Guy #3: Man, you chilled the beers in the toi­let?
Guy #1: No dude, the toi­let tank! I thought I would be safe but I woke up with one swollen eye and two swollen fin­gers.

–Bode­ga, 12th & B

An­oth­er Bril­liant Bri­an Kin­ney Cam­paign

Ad guy #1: “Up Your Bud­get”? I don’t get it.
Ad guy #2: It’s for the rental car com­pa­ny.
Ad guy #1: But it makes you think of Up Your Butt. Is that the point? Bud­get wants peo­ple to think about stuff­ing things in their ass?
Ad guy #2: I don’t know.
Ad guy #1: “Look at me, I’m stuff­ing things in my ass!” “We try hard­er, we’re num­ber two. We’re stuff­ing things in our ass!”…Hertz!

–Madi­son & 50th

Over­heard by: Kevin