Archive for 2005

He Kept Up­load­ing from His Flop­py

Guy: I re­al­ly don’t watch that much porn.
Chick: I woke up in the mid­dle of the night that one time, and you were to­tal­ly sit­ting in your desk chair watch­ing porn!
Guy: I was just switch­ing files be­tween hard dri­ves and I want­ed to make sure the porn file still worked.

–D’Agosti­no, 110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: djlindee

So Should I Just Throw Out These Car­na­tions?

Hobo: What’s the best in the na­tion? Hey you, what’s the best in the na­tion?
Guy: The best what?
Hobo: In the na­tion. What’s the best in the na­tion?
Girl #1: The best what in the na­tion?
Hobo: You know, like coun­try.
Girl #1: Oh, you mean what’s the best coun­try?
Hobo: Yeah. Na­tion.
Girl #1: The Unit­ed States!
Hobo: Wrong!
Girl #2: Red Sox na­tion!
Hobo: Wrong!
Guy: Nige­ria?
Hobo: Wrong! The best in the nation…the best na­tion is a do­na­tion! Gimme a nick­el.

–2nd Av­enue & 7th Street

Over­heard by: Car­men No­bel

Gee, I Won­der What She’ll Grow Up to Be

Dad: Okay, pose for a pic­ture hon­ey! Hold your drink up!…Okay hon­ey, look at the cam­era.
Lit­tle girl: But the sun is in my eyes.
Dad: Just look at the cam­era and I’ll take your picture…Look in­to the cam­era, hon­ey!
Lit­tle girl: The sun hurts my eyes!
Dad: Just look in­to the cam­era re­al­ly quick and I’ll take the pic­ture.

She does, with great dis­com­fort. He takes a pic­ture af­ter about 15 sec­onds.

Dad: That was aw­ful.

–Park Slope

“…They made me un­load my pis­tol, too.”

Teen boy: I did the stu­pid­est thing yes­ter­day.
Teen girl: What?
Teen boy: I went up to the cops with my bag open, and I was like,
“Wan­na search me? Wan­na search me?” and they were like, “Okay.”
Teen girl: Ha, ha. You bust­ed.
Teen boy: Yeah. They took half my con­doms but they left every­thing
else.

–40th Street sta­tion