Queer #1: Ick. He’s like, your cousin or something.
Queer #2: First cousin. Second cousin. Once removed.
Queer #1: But not a cousin cousin.
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #1: That’s still grody.
Queer #2: I love that skirt on her.
–33rd & 8th
Archive for 2005
He Kept Uploading from His Floppy
Guy: I really don’t watch that much porn.
Chick: I woke up in the middle of the night that one time, and you were totally sitting in your desk chair watching porn!
Guy: I was just switching files between hard drives and I wanted to make sure the porn file still worked.
–D’Agostino, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Sometimes Reagan Worship Goes Too Far
Woman #1: I think I’ll get the spinach ravioli that you got last time.
Woman #2: Really? I did? Did I like it?
–Chelsea Gallery, 7th Avenue
Overheard by: Jenyc
So Should I Just Throw Out These Carnations?
Hobo: What’s the best in the nation? Hey you, what’s the best in the nation?
Guy: The best what?
Hobo: In the nation. What’s the best in the nation?
Girl #1: The best what in the nation?
Hobo: You know, like country.
Girl #1: Oh, you mean what’s the best country?
Hobo: Yeah. Nation.
Girl #1: The United States!
Hobo: Wrong!
Girl #2: Red Sox nation!
Hobo: Wrong!
Guy: Nigeria?
Hobo: Wrong! The best in the nation…the best nation is a donation! Gimme a nickel.
–2nd Avenue & 7th Street
Overheard by: Carmen Nobel
Because That’s Where Babies Come From
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, you have camel toe!
Drunk girl #2: Why are you looking at my pussy?
–2nd Avenue between 7th & St Marks
Probably in a Blog
Guy #1: …so I heard that the more you think you know, the less you actually know.
Guy #2: Yeah, I think I read that somewhere.
–Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: Jenyc
The Third Kind of Irony
Little boy: I ate a nail once.
Mom: I remember that. I think it came out in your diaper.
–41st & 9th
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Gee, I Wonder What She’ll Grow Up to Be
Dad: Okay, pose for a picture honey! Hold your drink up!…Okay honey, look at the camera.
Little girl: But the sun is in my eyes.
Dad: Just look at the camera and I’ll take your picture…Look into the camera, honey!
Little girl: The sun hurts my eyes!
Dad: Just look into the camera really quick and I’ll take the picture.
She does, with great discomfort. He takes a picture after about 15 seconds.
Dad: That was awful.
–Park Slope
“…They made me unload my pistol, too.”
Teen boy: I did the stupidest thing yesterday.
Teen girl: What?
Teen boy: I went up to the cops with my bag open, and I was like,
“Wanna search me? Wanna search me?” and they were like, “Okay.”
Teen girl: Ha, ha. You busted.
Teen boy: Yeah. They took half my condoms but they left everything
else.
–40th Street station
Careful, You Might Get a Ticket
Guy: If you could marry Dave Matthews right now, would you?
Girl: Yeah, I would; I would piss on his face!
Guy: What?
Girl: Yeah, I heard he likes that.
–John & Gold
Overheard by: Jon Margolis