Archive for 2005

Out of the Mouths of Babes II

Woman #1: I’m see­ing this guy who’s re­al­ly nice and he’s rich, he’s loaded, but he does­n’t turn me on at all. I nev­er come. But he keeps ask­ing me to mar­ry him! I know I’ll nev­er get this op­por­tu­ni­ty again. I dun­no what to do.
Woman #2: Mar­ry him and buy a vi­bra­tor!
Woman #1: Oh my god, I nev­er thought of that! That’s ex­act­ly what I’ll do. Gee, thanks, great idea!

–Hot dog stand, 40th & 7th

Over­heard by: Deb­o­rah Olin

Win­ter in Brook­lyn: A Very Short Sto­ry

Teen chick: …so I shoved him and he fell. He lost his cell phone. He did­n’t re­al­ize un­til lat­er when he said “let me take a pic­ture” and his phone was gone. He had it on silent, so we had to walk all around in the snow to find it.

–Ben­son­hurst

Maybe Three Is­n’t A Crowd…

Yup­pie chick: Re­mem­ber when I showed you that e‑mail and it was like one big ner­vous laugh? He was talk­ing like that, a mile a minute, and I asked, “Are you su­per­caf­feinat­ed?” “No,” he said, he gave up cof­fee. And he’s like, “So, what are you do­ing?” And he in­vit­ed me out to Mo­MA with Sara, his girl­friend. How awk­ward would I be? So I ba­si­cal­ly bailed at that point. So he’s like, “The next time we’re in the city is the 29th for the opera.”

–D train

Our City is Bet­ter Than Yours, and Here’s Why

Sub­way com­ic: Ladies, spe­cial to­day is used preg­nan­cy tests. I’ve got neg­a­tive and pos­i­tive. Gen­tle­men, you won’t need to go on Mau­ry. I got Vi­a­gra Snick­ers bars, straight from the nurs­ing home. And for all you peo­ple who lift weights, this just in: Bar­ry Bonds’ used steroid nee­dles. I’m here for one rea­son and one rea­son on­ly, so dig deep in your wal­let and pocketbook…Wooh! I got a dol­lar! I can buy a su­per­bub­ble and some chips! For every $5 or $10 you give me, it takes me one step clos­er to col­lege. For every $100 or $200 you give me, I won’t need col­lege. My name is Crazy Jay! Look for me, and thanks for be­ing nosey!

–D train