Archive for 2005

Out of the Mouths of Babes II

Woman #1: I’m seeing this guy who’s really nice and he’s rich, he’s loaded, but he doesn’t turn me on at all. I never come. But he keeps asking me to marry him! I know I’ll never get this opportunity again. I dunno what to do.
Woman #2: Marry him and buy a vibrator!
Woman #1: Oh my god, I never thought of that! That’s exactly what I’ll do. Gee, thanks, great idea!

–Hot dog stand, 40th & 7th

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Winter in Brooklyn: A Very Short Story

Teen chick: …so I shoved him and he fell. He lost his cell phone. He didn’t realize until later when he said “let me take a picture” and his phone was gone. He had it on silent, so we had to walk all around in the snow to find it.

–Bensonhurst

Maybe Three Isn’t A Crowd…

Yuppie chick: Remember when I showed you that e-mail and it was like one big nervous laugh? He was talking like that, a mile a minute, and I asked, “Are you supercaffeinated?” “No,” he said, he gave up coffee. And he’s like, “So, what are you doing?” And he invited me out to MoMA with Sara, his girlfriend. How awkward would I be? So I basically bailed at that point. So he’s like, “The next time we’re in the city is the 29th for the opera.”

–D train

Our City is Better Than Yours, and Here’s Why

Subway comic: Ladies, special today is used pregnancy tests. I’ve got negative and positive. Gentlemen, you won’t need to go on Maury. I got Viagra Snickers bars, straight from the nursing home. And for all you people who lift weights, this just in: Barry Bonds’ used steroid needles. I’m here for one reason and one reason only, so dig deep in your wallet and pocketbook…Wooh! I got a dollar! I can buy a superbubble and some chips! For every $5 or $10 you give me, it takes me one step closer to college. For every $100 or $200 you give me, I won’t need college. My name is Crazy Jay! Look for me, and thanks for being nosey!

–D train