Archive for 2005

Call Me Back, Mom

Woman on cell: Oh baby, I was having a sex dream about you and in it you bit my neck so hard I woke up all sweaty….wait, hold on, my boyfriend is on the other line.

–7 train

Overheard by: Sassy_Girl

If Your Father Hadn’t Slapped Me, You Wouldn’t Have Been Born

Old woman: Mom, look at this bag. Isn’t it cute?
Really old woman: Ewww! No!

She slaps her daughter’s wrist.

Really old woman: It’s ugly! That color! You have no taste!
Old woman: Jeez, Mom. I just thought it would be a nice bag for spring. You didn’t have to slap me.
Really old woman: Now I won’t have to look at it! Or you!

–Lord and Taylor

In Cybercafes, Anyone Can Open MS Word and Take Notes…

A scruffy guy is on his cell in an otherwise silent internet cafe. His thoughts: No…it’s not in the heart of the city…it’s like the artery.

You remember that postcard of New York I sent you for your birthday? I think you can see my building if you look closely…well you know the best pictures of it are in books, and I love you guys, you’re my family, but I’m not about to spend $15 on one of those books.

Yeah…I came up with this great analogy yesterday. I said, “If you know little math problems and little words, you’ll make a little money, but if you know big problems and big words, you get lotsa money!…I know, I know, I think they got it!

Yeah, well you know 80% of the people I work with are spanish…its not like that in Spokane…so everything here revolves around them…but you know what? The other day one of the girls came up to me and said, “Everyone thinks you’re such a nice guy”. That was so nice; I wasn’t even trying…I didn’t know they thought that…see I apply all the stuff you taught me and incorporate it into my lifestyle.

–Internet cafe, E. 33rd between 5th and Madison