Woman on cell: Oh baby, I was having a sex dream about you and in it you bit my neck so hard I woke up all sweaty.…wait, hold on, my boyfriend is on the other line.
–7 train
Overheard by: Sassy_Girl
Archive for 2005
If Your Father Hadn’t Slapped Me, You Wouldn’t Have Been Born
Old woman: Mom, look at this bag. Isn’t it cute?
Really old woman: Ewww! No!
She slaps her daughter’s wrist.
Really old woman: It’s ugly! That color! You have no taste!
Old woman: Jeez, Mom. I just thought it would be a nice bag for spring. You didn’t have to slap me.
Really old woman: Now I won’t have to look at it! Or you!
–Lord and Taylor
This Weekend: Greenpoint. Next Falls Williamsburg!
Girlfriend: You were supposed to read that article over the weekend. But I guess reenacting World War Two was more important!
–Fort Greene
Overheard by: Faustus
There Goes the Neighborhood
Local guy: Man, wake up, you look like you from Wall Street.
Awakened yuppie: Yeah, something like that.
Local guy: Well, you in the hood now! You better get on that [train across the platform] right away!
–New Lots Avenue station
Overheard by: Satoru Ogawa
“Because it’s big in width, not length.”
A punk guy whispers in some chick’s ear. She retorts with: Oh yeah? Well, if it’s so big why don’t you bend it backwards, sit on it, and fuck yourself?
–Manitoba’s, Ave. B
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
I Thought Mushrooms Were The Bomb in Japan
Guy #1: You know what I found out about Japanese people? They love noodles.
Guy #2: Really?
–Anytime Cafe, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Manlio Lo Conte
I’m Your Baby Daddy
Girl on cell: …so I was like, mad drunk or whatever, and the next thing I know this guy’s like, “Oh my God! Steph! I haven’t seen you in forever!” and I’m like, “Who are you?”
–Penn Station
Lame: Danielle Steele. Lamer: Snarking on Danielle Steele.
Son: I thought you were looking for Danielle Steele?
Mom: I am.
Boy: But isn’t that fiction? Why are we in literature?
Mom: Fiction is literature.
Boy: Oh. I thought literature was good writing.
–Barnes & Noble, 5th Avenue
Readers: Answer This Antiquated Question
Guard: Safety first! That’s a Harold Lloyd film. Safety First. 1928. You ever watch any of those old Harold Lloyd films?
–51st between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Crunkyteen
In Cybercafes, Anyone Can Open MS Word and Take Notes…
A scruffy guy is on his cell in an otherwise silent internet cafe. His thoughts: No…it’s not in the heart of the city…it’s like the artery.
You remember that postcard of New York I sent you for your birthday? I think you can see my building if you look closely…well you know the best pictures of it are in books, and I love you guys, you’re my family, but I’m not about to spend $15 on one of those books.
Yeah…I came up with this great analogy yesterday. I said, “If you know little math problems and little words, you’ll make a little money, but if you know big problems and big words, you get lotsa money!…I know, I know, I think they got it!
Yeah, well you know 80% of the people I work with are spanish…its not like that in Spokane…so everything here revolves around them…but you know what? The other day one of the girls came up to me and said, “Everyone thinks you’re such a nice guy”. That was so nice; I wasn’t even trying…I didn’t know they thought that…see I apply all the stuff you taught me and incorporate it into my lifestyle.
–Internet cafe, E. 33rd between 5th and Madison
