Archive for 2005

Call Me Back, Mom

Woman on cell: Oh ba­by, I was hav­ing a sex dream about you and in it you bit my neck so hard I woke up all sweaty.…wait, hold on, my boyfriend is on the oth­er line.

–7 train

Over­heard by: Sassy_Girl

If Your Fa­ther Had­n’t Slapped Me, You Would­n’t Have Been Born

Old woman: Mom, look at this bag. Is­n’t it cute?
Re­al­ly old woman: Ewww! No!

She slaps her daugh­ter’s wrist.

Re­al­ly old woman: It’s ug­ly! That col­or! You have no taste!
Old woman: Jeez, Mom. I just thought it would be a nice bag for spring. You did­n’t have to slap me.
Re­al­ly old woman: Now I won’t have to look at it! Or you!

–Lord and Tay­lor

In Cy­ber­cafes, Any­one Can Open MS Word and Take Notes…

A scruffy guy is on his cell in an oth­er­wise silent in­ter­net cafe. His thoughts: No…it’s not in the heart of the city…it’s like the artery.

You re­mem­ber that post­card of New York I sent you for your birth­day? I think you can see my build­ing if you look closely…well you know the best pic­tures of it are in books, and I love you guys, you’re my fam­i­ly, but I’m not about to spend $15 on one of those books.

Yeah…I came up with this great anal­o­gy yes­ter­day. I said, “If you know lit­tle math prob­lems and lit­tle words, you’ll make a lit­tle mon­ey, but if you know big prob­lems and big words, you get lot­sa money!…I know, I know, I think they got it!

Yeah, well you know 80% of the peo­ple I work with are spanish…its not like that in Spokane…so every­thing here re­volves around them…but you know what? The oth­er day one of the girls came up to me and said, “Every­one thinks you’re such a nice guy”. That was so nice; I was­n’t even trying…I did­n’t know they thought that…see I ap­ply all the stuff you taught me and in­cor­po­rate it in­to my lifestyle.

–In­ter­net cafe, E. 33rd be­tween 5th and Madi­son