Archive for 2006

Hey, Whatever It Takes to Get Them Out of Diapers

Boy: Mom, why is there a line here and not on the boys’ side?
Mom: Girls go to the bathroom differently. You guys can just stand around and pee and make crosses. You know — how you and Daddy make crosses with your pee-pees?

–Line for women’s room, Radio City Music Hall

So I Dumped Him for the Cat

Chick: I bet he’s fuh-reaky in the sack.
Friend: Definitely.
Chick: No… Like fuh-reaky… Like, not like normal freaky, how everyone needs to get it once in a while, but, like, weird freaky — like pulling up your pants and finding the closest exit. Did I ever tell you about the ice cream?
Friend, laughing: No!
Chick: This one time he was like, ‘Let’s have some fun’ and decided to tie me up. And then to, like, build anticipation or whatever, he went and got a bowl of ice cream.
Friend: Shut up!
Chick: I’m serious… And then I guess my damn cat decided he wanted a snack, too!
Friend, hysterical: Shut up! I can’t breathe!

–LIRR pulling into Penn Station