Archive for January, 2006

You Can’t Trust Those Damn Slags

Girl: But, I mean, it’s not like I ever plan on giv­ing birth.
Guy: Well, if your moth­er gave birth, it’s like your chances are good that you’ll give birth too.
Girl: …Uh, dude, your moth­er gave birth.
Guy: Ab­solute­ly.

–Park Slope

Guy #1: I don’t mind get­ting old; I love get­ting old.
Guy #2: Yeah, just as long as you don’t get preg­nant.

–Grove & Bleeck­er

Bury­ing Peo­ple Of­ten Caus­es Brain Dam­age

Hobo: Ex­cuse me, this is a pic­ture of my daugh­ter Sofiya, she was in a fire re­cent­ly and now she is brain dam­age can you spare some change so that we can give her a prop­er fu­ner­al? Any­thing will help, even a pen­ny.
Man: Wait a minute! Is this the same daugh­ter that was in a fire last sum­mer? You mean to tell me you haven’t buried her yet?

–4 train

Over­heard by: Leslie DJ

Dude, It’s 17 in New York

Guy: How old are you?
Hip­ster girl: You know, I nev­er an­swer that ques­tion. Be­cause to me, it’s about how ma­ture you are, you know? I mean, a four­teen year old could be more ma­ture than a twen­ty-five year old, right? I’m sor­ry, I just nev­er an­swer that ques­tion.
Guy: But, uh, you’re old­er than eigh­teen, right?
Hip­ster girl: Oh, yeah.

–Knit­ting Fac­to­ry, Leonard Street

Over­heard by: Sarah Doogs

The Noid Has Got­ten Much Sub­tler

Queer #1: What should I get? I’ll have a falafel. Ha, ha!
Queer #2: I’ll have one of these lamb slices.
Piz­za guy: Egg­plant.
Queer #2: No, one of these.
Piz­za guy: That’s egg­plant.
Queer #2: Oh…Well, it looked like lamb.
Queer #1: I’m gonna throw cau­tion to the wind and get a cheese slice.
Queer #3: That’s not lamb. Maybe you should ask for a duck con­fit slice.

–Sal’s, 7th & A

Over­heard by: Do­mi