Overheard In New York

Archive for January, 2006

You Can’t Trust Those Damn Slags

Girl: But, I mean, it’s not like I ever plan on giving birth.
Guy: Well, if your mother gave birth, it’s like your chances are good that you’ll give birth too.
Girl: …Uh, dude, your mother gave birth.
Guy: Absolutely.

–Park Slope

Guy #1: I don’t mind getting old; I love getting old.
Guy #2: Yeah, just as long as you don’t get pregnant. 

–Grove & Bleecker

Burying People Often Causes Brain Damage

Hobo: Excuse me, this is a picture of my daughter Sofiya, she was in a fire recently and now she is brain damage can you spare some change so that we can give her a proper funeral? Anything will help, even a penny.
Man: Wait a minute! Is this the same daughter that was in a fire last summer? You mean to tell me you haven’t buried her yet?

–4 train

Overheard by: Leslie DJ

Dude, It’s 17 in New York

Guy: How old are you?
Hipster girl: You know, I never answer that question. Because to me, it’s about how mature you are, you know? I mean, a fourteen year old could be more mature than a twenty-five year old, right? I’m sorry, I just never answer that question.
Guy: But, uh, you’re older than eighteen, right?
Hipster girl: Oh, yeah.

–Knitting Factory, Leonard Street

Overheard by: Sarah Doogs 

The Noid Has Gotten Much Subtler

Queer #1: What should I get? I’ll have a falafel. Ha, ha!
Queer #2: I’ll have one of these lamb slices.
Pizza guy: Eggplant.
Queer #2: No, one of these.
Pizza guy: That’s eggplant.
Queer #2: Oh…Well, it looked like lamb.
Queer #1: I’m gonna throw caution to the wind and get a cheese slice.
Queer #3: That’s not lamb. Maybe you should ask for a duck confit slice.

–Sal’s, 7th & A

Overheard by: Domi