Old lady: Excuse me, where is the exit?
Cop: Just follow the signs.
Old lady: I’m following the signs and I don’t know where I’m going.
–Times Square station
Overheard by: So K
Archive for March, 2006
Howie Mandel in 5 Years
Girl #1: I don’t understand why he’s so popular.
Girl #2: It’s obviously because he’s a drug dealer.
–Broadway between Grand & Howard
Dealer guy: Hey man, buy some weed?
Yuppie guy: Sure. And while I’m at it, why don’t I just not send my
kids to school, get them addicted to heroin, and leave them on the
street to die?
Dealer guy: You sure you don’t want some weed?
–Washington Square Park
She’s Getting Surgery Slash Amputation
Drunk chick #1: Dude julia, I just totally stuck my face slash mouth on this pole.
Drunk chick #2: Ew.
Drunk chick #1: Oh, by the way, how are your antibiotics going?
Drunk chick #2: Uh, not so good.
–1 train
He Read That Time Machine Book
Chick: Did you ever watch wrestling?
Guy: I used to watch it back when it was real.
–2nd & 2nd
No Relation
Conductor: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Would Isaiah Santiago please step off the train? The police are waiting for you.
–1 train
Overheard by: gordon gartrell
Let Them Bake Cake
Girl: I guess I know a couple people up at Sarah Lawrence who work, but I don’t know why anyone would want a job in college.
Guy: Yeah, working’s for public college kids anyway.
–C train
No Shit?
Teen boy #1: Yo son, butt sex mad disgusting.
Teen boy #2: No, it ain’t. If she shit before you do it you won’t get no poop on yo dick.
Teen boy #1: Pfft. They always be shit in her ass even if she shits.
Teen boy #2: Nah, son.
Teen boy #1: When you pull the mushroom out there gonna be shit under it.
Teen boy #2: Ha, ha, ha! No, it ain’t…Ask her about it.
–R train
Overheard by: Evan Walsh
It Can Only Hold One 7″
Guy: Is that an iPod?
Girl: No, it’s a gaydar.
–D train
Never Forget
Woman #1: God, that was so funny when all of those Nazis walked into the courtroom and their hairstyles were like Hitler’s!
Man: Well, I mean, it makes sense, I guess. You know, people always copy famous people when it comes to stuff like that.
Woman #2: Yeah, like remember when I had that terrible Dorothy Hamill haircut?
–Houston Street station
Yes, It Would Be
Girl #1: That’s so funny. I’ve always said, “That would be two of us.” So how do you use it?
Girl #2: “That would behoove us.”…Well, you don’t use it that way. You say “of”. “That would be hoove of us.” As in, that would be smart of us.
–Q train
Overheard by: Morgan