Lady: Are you from Miami?
Girl wearing a Phillies shirt: No, why?
Lady: Your shirt.
–104th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
Archive for June, 2006
Patriotic Feces? Old Navy’s New Product Line Is Genius!
Black lady with five kids: You can’t get anything here. We gots to get to Old Navy to buy us all our Fourth of July t‑shirts so we match at the picnic.
Black guy: They have the best deal. Shirts are five dollars each, that’s like [counts kids, self, and wife] less than twenty bucks for all of us, and even the baby shit has a flag on it.
–Target, Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn
Overheard by: lora
But It’s Just About Good Enough for an Open Casket
Annoyed friend: Yeah, I like what you did with your hair. Seriously, it’s a nice look for you.
Vain guy: Thanks. You know, I’m always amazed at how a good haircut can drive away the usual enthusiasm for suicide.
Annoyed friend: Hold on. It doesn’t look that good.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jeremiah
It’s How I Make Sure I’m Hydrated
Guy #1: It’s never too early for public urination.
Guy #2: Didn’t you get a ticket for that once?
Guy #1: Yeah, but that was on the subway.
–11th & Ave A
Overheard by: luilya
I Just Cleared Up That Business With the Houngan
Cashier: $2.99? That’s cheap!
Female customer: That ain’t cheap for my Trojans!
Cashier: No, I mean that’s cheap, like, on sale.
Female customer: Don’t be puttin’ no bad vibe on my condoms!
–Duane Reade, 34th Street
Unless It’s a Pleather Cow
A teen girl punches her father repeatedly in the arm.
Older sister: You know he can’t feel that, right? He’s wearing a leather jacket.
Teen girl: What?
Older sister: Yeah, that’s why motorcyclists wear leather, so they don’t get their skin scraped off when they go sliding across the pavement.
Teen girl: Oh! So if I punch a cow, it can’t feel it?
–The Plaza
I Figure If I Can Find One the Right Size, It’ll Be Like a Monocle For My Ass
Queer #1: Let’s hit the discount button bins on 39th.
Queer #2: Excuse me? That boy fucked you up bad.
Queer #1: What? I love buttons.
Queer #2: You still have some of that joint?
–10th & 6th
Overheard by: isaac
Mommy Prefers to Go There by Herself
Little girl: Where does the H train go, mommy?
Mom: There is no H train.
Little girl: I train?
Mom: No I train either.
Little girl: J train? Where does the J train go?
Mom: To Brooklyn. [Pause] Nowhere we’d ever go.
–F train, between West 4th & 14th
If I Were Adam Sandler I Would Have Asked Satan for My Soul Back Circa Mr. Deeds
Man: Wow, you’re here already? That was quick.
Woman: Yeah, if I was Adam Sandler I would have said, “That was click!”
–West 44th St
Overheard by: Tomer Langberg
That Thing You Wrote About Counting
Teen girl #1: I just don’t understand why people wait so long to have kids. Then you’re so old that you can’t relate to them. If I’d had a kid when I was like, eleven, he’d have been three by the time I was fourteen.
Teen girl #2: Yeah. I totally read something about this on your LiveJournal.
–Yaffa Cafe, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Miriam
