Archive for August, 2006

Work­ing Ti­tle: To Ralph, With Love

“Art” chick: So your film is on­ly 7 min­utes long. What it’s about?
“Film” chick: I don’t re­al­ly know what it’s about, but I can tell you what hap­pens. It’s in a class­room, but, like, it’s re­al­ly just a room…When Karen vom­its in the cor­ner, it’s re­al­ly ex­quis­ite.

–Du­Mont, Union Ave, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Philip

Ex­cept in This One, It’s Okay For Beaker and Dr. Bun­sen to Ex­per­i­ment With Ker­mit

Tourist hus­band: So what is this show about?
Tourist wife: I be­lieve it’s like a Mup­pets sto­ry.

Av­enue Q, Gold­en The­ater, W 45th St

Over­heard by: Jose
Head­line by: Michael

· “The Mup­pets Take Man­hat­tan, Roll It Over, Pull Its Hair and Make It Call Them ‘Dad­dy’ ” — Col­in Mc­Cleod
· “…And Miss Saigon Is About a Beau­ty Pageant” — bri b
· “And Porn Is Like a Plumb­ing Sto­ry” — jdw
· “And the Din­ner You Took Me to at Olive Gar­den? That Was Like Ital­ian.” — Andy Klin­gen­berg­er
· “Av­enue Q Tick­ets: $120. The Looks on Ver­non and Es­telle’s Faces When They Hear ‘The In­ter­net is for Porn’: Price­less” — what i would­n’t give to watch them watch the show
· “Every­one’s a Lit­tle Mis­in­formed” — ian
· “Maybe If the Mup­pets Took Fire Is­land” — Broom­rid­er
· “The Same Way That Deb­bie Does Dal­las Is a Trav­el Doc­u­men­tary” — Kristin Sacre
· “To­day’s Let­ters Are S, E and X, and the Num­ber Is 69” — Iain, Lon­don

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Oh, That Rooftop Par­ty

Barista: Man, I need some Vi­codin.
Fe­male cus­tomer: Let me look in my bag. [Looks in bag] No, must be in my oth­er bag. My but­ter­fly bag.
Barista: Oh.
Fe­male cus­tomer: Last year, when I was de­pressed, a friend of mine took all my drugs. Then I went to her place, and I said, “Hey, can I have my drugs back?” So she gives me this one bot­tle. And lat­er I go in her bath­room, and I look in the med­i­cine cab­i­net, and they’re all right there. I mean, why would she leave them there? She had to know I’d just go in there and take them back.
Barista: Ah.
Fe­male cus­tomer: And lat­er I went to a party–you know, that rooftop party–and some­one stole all my Oxy­Con­tin.
Barista: I was just kid­ding. I’ve had a stress­ful day.

–Alt.Coffee, Ave A be­tween St Mark’s & 9th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Need the Cliffs Notes

Drunk col­lege kid: I had to read Grapes of Wrath. Which, by the way, has no grapes! Pissed me off!

–53rd & 7th

20-Some­thing chick: Non fic­tion? That’s true stuff right?

–Barnes & No­ble, 54th be­tween 3rd & Park

Old­er sis­ter, giv­ing younger broth­er a book en­ti­tled Liv­ing in Sin: Here, this is all about you.

–Barnes & No­ble, Union Square

Guy, to friend read­ing Dos­to­evsky’s The Id­iot: Hey, is that your au­to­bi­og­ra­phy?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: John

Ghet­to white dude: Yo, that nig­ga is like Shake­speare. Mad gangs­ta.

–9th St & 4th Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: shan­non ram­lochan

Guy: You can’t talk to me for half an hour about Chaucer and then tell me you have a boyfriend.

–St Mark’s & 3rd

The Pe­nis Might­i­er Than the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Small girl, point­ing at an ad­ver­tise­ment for Lit­tle Man: Look, Grand­pa! He looks like a lit­tle man!…He has a huge pe­nis!

–189th St

Brag­gart: My pe­nis is heav­ier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.

–Red Hook

Guy dressed as a pe­nis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in an­oth­er 5 min­utes, this is one dick you are not go­ing to see!

–14th & 6th

Over­heard by: Mad­hu Ma­g­a­n­ti

Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.

–Park Av­enue & 29th Street

Over­heard by: 11221

Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Dad­dy! You know, Big Dad­dy! You showed me your pe­nis ring last night.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: lau­ra

Woman: Aaah! I’ve got ba­by penis­es in my eye!

–Sepho­ra, Times Square

Girl: Ooh, she is go­ing to be in so much trou­ble. She got caught smok­ing cock.