Archive for August, 2006

Wednesday One-Liners Are in a Flaming Bag on Your Porch

Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.

–L train

Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed

Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.

–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave

Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!

–112th & Amsterdam

Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: I went at home

Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!

–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway

Overheard by: Yesenia

8‑year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!

–Green St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: twelvis

Wednesday One-Liners Have Gender Trouble

Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.

–77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Joseph

Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.

–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St

Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!

–Times Square

Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.

–F train

Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.

–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York

Overheard by: Aaron

Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?

–Circle Line

Overheard by: emily

Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.

–Central Park

If She Doesn’t Put ‘Mexican’ in the Thesis Title, They Take Her Grant Money Away

Dental hygienist: What is your dissertation going to be on?
Grad student: The cultural barriers to health care for Mexican-born migrant farm workers.
Dental hygienist: How about the cultural barriers to health care for German-American dental hygienists with $2,500 deductables, instead?

–Hunter College