Latina: Are you ready to de-colonize Columbus Day?
White boy: Hell yes! Honey, I’d de-colonize America and Israel for you.
–116th St
Archive for October, 2006
Collect Them All! Trade With Your Friends!
Optometrist #1: So, I went to his myspace to find out who his babymomma was, right? And then he calls me and says I have AIDS.
Optometrist #2: Wait? AIDS? You mean HIV, right?
Optometrist #1: No, AIDS.
Optometrist #2: Well, then I get HIV. You can get AIDS, but I want HIV.
–Roosevelt Optometrists
The Road to 18th Street Is Paved with Mixed Intentions
Tourist: Is that train going to 18th street?
New Yorker: Yes.
Doors close.
New Yorker: But you’re not.
–Union Square Station, 4÷5÷6 platform
Overheard by: amused MD
At Least about the Mustache
Deaf Malay guy: My friends and I are thinking of making a movie called ‘Hitler is Right.‘
Deaf gay guy: What was he right about?
Deaf Malay guy: About the Jews. If he had finished what he started, there would be no more Jews and the world would be better.
Deaf gay guy: And we wouldn’t exist either.
Deaf Malay guy: Why not?
Deaf gay guy: Because he also killed non-Aryans, homos, and deaf people.
Deaf Malay guy: Really?
Deaf gay guy: Yes.
Deaf Malay guy: Oh. Well, I still think Hitler was right.
–Starbucks, Times Square
It Never Sleeps, As They Say
Older gentleman: So where is it you’re from?
Young lady: California, near San Francisco.
Older gentleman: Ah, the windy city.
–Elevator at Wall St. Plaza
Overheard by: Just a temp
But, No, I’m Not
Hipster girl: I think he wanted to know if you were bisexual.
Hipster boy: Well, I prefer the term hetero-flexible.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Adrienne
Get in Line, Buddy
Girl on cell: You don’t play with my tits enough! You just go right to it, and avoid the girls! I need some titty action!
Suit on cell, listening: I gotta go, I have to try to pick this girl up. I’ve never had a better come-on line in my life!
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: VERONICA
At the Time It Was Called “Separate but Equal Ed”
Girl: Have you ever realized that we didn’t have any black friends in elementary school?
Preppy friend: That’s because all the black kids were in special ed.
–Sugar Sweet Sunshine, Rivington St
Overheard by: Lauren C
More Detail Then?
College girl: My friend told me that if you join the Peace Corps, you’ve got to learn to skin and gut animals. Even if you are a vegetarian!
Redneck guy: I’ve gutted hundreds of animals.
College girl: I’m morally opposed to gutting animals. I only want to see chicken in Saran Wrap at the grocery store.
Redneck guy: I’ve gutted about 800 chickens, 200 ducks, 200 deer.
College girl: Please. I don’t want to hear about your animal gutting history any more than you want to hear about my sexual history.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Shy
Fucking Scoliosis Brace
Girl #1, looking at The L Word: God, I wish I was that girl, and could make out with girls.
Girl #2: Why don’t you make out with girls now?
Girl #1: I can’t! This body is straight!
–Virgin Megastore, Times Square
Overheard by: Angie
