Latina: Are you ready to de-colonize Columbus Day?
White boy: Hell yes! Honey, I’d de-colonize America and Israel for you.
–116th St
Archive for October, 2006
Gallagher’s Later Work Is a Lot More Thoughtful
Hipster chick: So you’re saying don’t hate avocados?
Hipster guy: No, no. I don’t hate the avocados just for being avocados. I would never smash an avocado. I just want them to make up their minds. They need to decide.
Hipster chick: Good to know.
–San Loco, 2nd Ave
Collect Them All! Trade With Your Friends!
Optometrist #1: So, I went to his myspace to find out who his babymomma was, right? And then he calls me and says I have AIDS.
Optometrist #2: Wait? AIDS? You mean HIV, right?
Optometrist #1: No, AIDS.
Optometrist #2: Well, then I get HIV. You can get AIDS, but I want HIV.
–Roosevelt Optometrists
The Road to 18th Street Is Paved with Mixed Intentions
Tourist: Is that train going to 18th street?
New Yorker: Yes.
Doors close.
New Yorker: But you’re not.
–Union Square Station, 4/5/6 platform
Overheard by: amused MD
They Say You Can Be Anything You Want, but They Don’t Mean It
Teen: I think I wanna be a cameraman when I grow up.
Little girl: I wanna be an armadillo when I grow up.
Teen: You can’t be an armadillo when you grow up!
Little girl: Why not?
–40th St & Park
Overheard by: Crysta
At Least about the Mustache
Deaf Malay guy: My friends and I are thinking of making a movie called ‘Hitler is Right.’
Deaf gay guy: What was he right about?
Deaf Malay guy: About the Jews. If he had finished what he started, there would be no more Jews and the world would be better.
Deaf gay guy: And we wouldn’t exist either.
Deaf Malay guy: Why not?
Deaf gay guy: Because he also killed non-Aryans, homos, and deaf people.
Deaf Malay guy: Really?
Deaf gay guy: Yes.
Deaf Malay guy: Oh. Well, I still think Hitler was right.
–Starbucks, Times Square
It Never Sleeps, As They Say
Older gentleman: So where is it you’re from?
Young lady: California, near San Francisco.
Older gentleman: Ah, the windy city.
–Elevator at Wall St. Plaza
Overheard by: Just a temp
But, No, I’m Not
Hipster girl: I think he wanted to know if you were bisexual.
Hipster boy: Well, I prefer the term hetero-flexible.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Adrienne
Sympathy and A Skillful Segue is the Mark of a Successful Hobo
Columbia student: So I was dealing with all these peptide bonds and it was getting annoyingly complicated.
Hobo: Yo, I hate it when that happens! Got a quarter?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: SlickRicks
Get in Line, Buddy
Girl on cell: You don’t play with my tits enough! You just go right to it, and avoid the girls! I need some titty action!
Suit on cell, listening: I gotta go, I have to try to pick this girl up. I’ve never had a better come-on line in my life!
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: VERONICA