Archive for November, 2006

And Once You Try It a Few Dozen Times on ‘The Sims,’ You’ll Be Ready to Try It in Re­al Life, Lit­tle Camper

Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: Af­ter what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man al­ways has the up­per hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.

–Up­town A train

Over­heard by: JD

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Will Do Any­thing to Get This Part

Girl: Se­ri­ous­ly, I’d give, like, 20 blowjobs to get an apart­ment.

–Bar­na, 26th & Park

Over­heard by: Greg

Crazy guy: I got­ta stop eat­ing pussy. I’m los­ing my breath.

–F train

Girl to guy: If you don’t like oral sex, don’t open your mouth.

–68th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: liza

Guy de­fend­ing self to group of friends: I’ve tast­ed pussy!

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Reina

Guy on cell: Which one? Me suck­ing dick or San Fran­cis­co?

–Wag­n­er Col­lege, Stat­en Is­land

Teen girl: I need balls in my mouth.

–Dis­ney Store, 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Gin

Ghet­to teen: And so she was suckin’ my dick, and there was a 10 dol­lar bill on the ta­ble, and — get this — when she stopped suckin’, it was gone! Bitch took my mon­ey!

–Ful­ton Mall, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: djin­go

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Run All Night

Mid­dle-aged man at Metro­card ma­chine to MTA booth em­ploy­ee: You know these things don’t work, right? I mean, you know they don’t work? [Em­ploy­ee ig­nores him] Hey, do you care?

–Grand Cen­tral

MTA la­dy on loud­speak­er: [Stops singing loud­ly] What? No, the speak­er’s not on. You can hear me? But it’s not on. Huh? You can hear me, too? Damn.

–Union Street Sta­tion, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Just wan­na wait in peace

MTA guy with mi­cro­phone: Please keep your eyes open — there is a large rat run­ning around on the plat­form. Please keep your eyes open — large rat — very large.

–V Sta­tion, 51st St

Over­heard by: Ethan

MTA la­dy talk­ing to no one vis­i­ble: You one-armed nui­sance! You are re­al­ly get­ting on my nerves!

–In front of Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Jack­ie

Hap­py hour queen as­cend­ing sub­way steps: Did you know all these spots are gum? This en­tire sub­way sta­tion is con­struct­ed of chew­ing gum!

–Sub­way sta­tion, 14th & 7th

Over­heard by: wish i had a drink too

Dis­grun­tled man: Who needs ter­ror­ists when you have the MTA?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Al­ice

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Been Mis­un­der­es­ti­mat­ed

Thug: Where you am?

–Penn Sta­tion

Girl: The cat keeps at­tack­ing the kit­ten and try­ing to dom­i­nate him. He’s wicked-dom­i­nal.

–Train from Boston, Penn Sta­tion

Thug girl: We is not stu­pid!

–Up­town 1 train

Over­heard by: there’s no e in tra­cy

Teen boy: It’s like that Napoleon ice cream. You know: vanil­la, choco­late, and straw­ber­ry.

–53rd & 5th

Over­heard by: re­al­ly?

Ghet­to woman on cell: Yeah, yeah — he a drug ad­dict. I could­n’t be­lieve it. I had no ag­nos­tic he was on drugs.

–M15 Bus

Over­heard by: Thirsty Vi­o­let

Girl: I’m like, so, you know, like, bad at, like… I’m re­al­ly inar­tic­u­late.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: jad­ed in­tel­lec­tu­al