Archive for November, 2006

And Once You Try It a Few Dozen Times on ‘The Sims,’ You’ll Be Ready to Try It in Real Life, Little Camper

Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: After what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man always has the upper hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.

–Uptown A train

Overheard by: JD

Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Anything to Get This Part

Girl: Seriously, I’d give, like, 20 blowjobs to get an apartment.

–Barna, 26th & Park 

Overheard by: Greg

Crazy guy: I gotta stop eating pussy. I’m losing my breath.

–F train

Girl to guy: If you don’t like oral sex, don’t open your mouth.

–68th St station

Overheard by: liza

Guy defending self to group of friends: I’ve tasted pussy!


Overheard by: Reina

Guy on cell: Which one? Me sucking dick or San Francisco?

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Teen girl: I need balls in my mouth.

–Disney Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Gin

Ghetto teen: And so she was suckin’ my dick, and there was a 10 dollar bill on the table, and — get this — when she stopped suckin’, it was gone! Bitch took my money!

–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn

Overheard by: djingo

Wednesday One-Liners Run All Night

Middle-aged man at Metrocard machine to MTA booth employee: You know these things don’t work, right? I mean, you know they don’t work? [Employee ignores him] Hey, do you care?

–Grand Central

MTA lady on loudspeaker: [Stops singing loudly] What? No, the speaker’s not on. You can hear me? But it’s not on. Huh? You can hear me, too? Damn.

–Union Street Station, Park Slope

Overheard by: Just wanna wait in peace

MTA guy with microphone: Please keep your eyes open — there is a large rat running around on the platform. Please keep your eyes open — large rat — very large.

–V Station, 51st St

Overheard by: Ethan

MTA lady talking to no one visible: You one-armed nuisance! You are really getting on my nerves!

–In front of Staten Island Ferry, Staten Island 

Overheard by: Jackie

Happy hour queen ascending subway steps: Did you know all these spots are gum? This entire subway station is constructed of chewing gum!

–Subway station, 14th & 7th

Overheard by: wish i had a drink too

Disgruntled man: Who needs terrorists when you have the MTA?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Alice

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Misunderestimated

Thug: Where you am?

–Penn Station

Girl: The cat keeps attacking the kitten and trying to dominate him. He’s wicked-dominal.

–Train from Boston, Penn Station

Thug girl: We is not stupid!

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy

Teen boy: It’s like that Napoleon ice cream. You know: vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.

–53rd & 5th

Overheard by: really?

Ghetto woman on cell: Yeah, yeah — he a drug addict. I couldn’t believe it. I had no agnostic he was on drugs.

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Girl: I’m like, so, you know, like, bad at, like… I’m really inarticulate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: jaded intellectual