Archive for December, 2006

Hey, What­ev­er It Takes to Get Them Out of Di­a­pers

Boy: Mom, why is there a line here and not on the boys’ side?
Mom: Girls go to the bath­room dif­fer­ent­ly. You guys can just stand around and pee and make cross­es. You know — how you and Dad­dy make cross­es with your pee-pees?

–Line for wom­en’s room, Ra­dio City Mu­sic Hall

So I Dumped Him for the Cat

Chick: I bet he’s fuh-reaky in the sack.
Friend: Def­i­nite­ly.
Chick: No… Like fuh-reaky… Like, not like nor­mal freaky, how every­one needs to get it once in a while, but, like, weird freaky — like pulling up your pants and find­ing the clos­est ex­it. Did I ever tell you about the ice cream?
Friend, laugh­ing: No!
Chick: This one time he was like, ‘Let’s have some fun’ and de­cid­ed to tie me up. And then to, like, build an­tic­i­pa­tion or what­ev­er, he went and got a bowl of ice cream.
Friend: Shut up!
Chick: I’m se­ri­ous… And then I guess my damn cat de­cid­ed he want­ed a snack, too!
Friend, hys­ter­i­cal: Shut up! I can’t breathe!

–LIRR pulling in­to Penn Sta­tion