Archive for 2006

New Ways to Get Out of Sex

Girl #1: But I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at his little white penis in a black condom.
Girl #2: Yeah. Chris’s penis is crooked, and I told him he could never wear one of those yellow banana-flavored condoms, because I might forget I was blowing him and think I was eating a banana.
Girl #1: You’re an idiot.

–2nd Ave & 10th Street

Overheard by: Alia Lesoix

Then You Might Actually Stay Upright

Girl in bathroom: Well, my friends live out here, but I’m from Manhattan, so I asked them what I should wear and they said this place was really casual. So I asked if I could at least wear heels..and they said no…but I can’t drink in sneakers!

–Astoria Beer Garden

Overheard by: melissa

Weigh Two Long

Scrabble girl: “Gooeesay” is so not a word.
Scrabble guy: That’s “guise.”
Scrabble girl: Ha! Well, smart guy, you spelled it wrong. “Guys” is spelled G‑U-Y‑S.
Scrabble guy: Are you serious?
Scrabble girl: Sorry, there’s no way I’m letting you get away with that after you wouldn’t give me any points for “Steve.”
Scrabble guy: How long have we been dating?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Uncle Joe

Don’t Get Me Started on Asian Women and Their Boxes

Guy, about to hit on girl: Hey. [looks down at his sleeve as it slides into some bar toe-jam] Girl: What’s wrong?
Guy: I just got something on my favorite sweatshirt. [starting to get really stressed] Girl: I don’t know if you know about this, but there’s these metal boxes you put you clothes in and it will clean them.
Guy stares blankly at her.
Girl: Or, if you’re really lazy like me, you can just take it someplace and have a short Asian woman use the box for you.
Guy still looks at her, confused.
Girl leaves bar.

–Automatic Slims, Washington & Bethune