Archive for 2006

You’re a Real New Yorker When You Don’t

Girl #1: I haven’t seen our homeless guy lately.
Girl #2: We have a homeless guy?
Girl #1: Yeah, the guy who lives on that mattress under our building.
Girl #2: Oh yeah…I hope he’s okay, I haven’t seen him all week.
Girl #1: You know you’re a New Yorker when you worry about where your homeless guy is.

–27th between 5th & Madison

Overheard by: Lauren Lerner 

To the Water Tower!

Drunk guy: If you come in and dance with me, I’ll buy you a drink.
Sober girl: No, thanks. There’s a five dollar cover.
Drunk guy: If you come in and dance with me, I’ll give you five dollars.
Sober girl: I don’t dance.
Drunk guy: I think you’re hot.
Sober girl: I’m sorry…Watch out. You’re setting yourself on fire.
Drunk guy: I’m on fire for you, baby!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: djlindee 

“Well, I’m 8, baby.”

HS girl: I didn’t want to listen to my dad explain sex to my mom.
HS boy: Why would your dad explain sex to your mom?
HS girl: Because my brother asked what the song, “Come my lady, come, come my lady” meant. And mom didn’t know.
HS boy: What does that song have to do with sex?
HS girl: You don’t know? You’re the only person in the world who doesn’t know.
HS boy: Your brother didn’t know.
HS girl: My brother is 7. 

–M104 bus

Overheard by: Susan Elliott 

He’s Hung Like a Pigeon

Guy: Yeah, that’s the first thing I learned when I moved here: don’t eat street meat, it’s probably pigeon or something.
Girl #1: Yeah, I wish I could get my husband to stop eating it.
Girl #2: I don’t care what kind of meat it is as long as it’s in my mouth.
Girl #1: That’s my sister; she’s looking for a hook-up.
Girl #2: No, I’m not!
Guy: I’m married.

–Irving Plaza, Irving Place

Overheard by: Johnny Tremain

2 Proposals, 3 Women, 5 Minutes

Drunk guy: Don’t you fuck with me!
Sober woman: What?
Drunk guy: You sleep with a different guy every night!
Sober woman: I do not. What are you talking about?
Drunk guy: You loveme. You want to marryme.
Sober woman: This is ridiculous. I’ve had enough. I don’t have to take this anymore. Goodbye!

She leaves. He turns to the next table.

Drunk guy: Yeah, did you see that girl who just left? I just dumped her. Can I buy you two a drink?

–Rosie O’Grady’s, 7th Avenue