Lady carrying box: What brings you to the city?
British woman: We’re here looking at schools.
Lady carrying box: Well, are you concerned about electromagnetic fields?
–New Yorker Hotel elevator
Overheard by: Alyssa
Archive for 2006
The Invasion Didn’t Stop ‘Til She Got to Marsha’s DMZ
Hipster chick: I’d like to get my eyebrows done.
Korean woman: You have boyfriend?
Hipster chick: Uh… no.
Woman: No wonder. You have hairy upper lip.
Hipster chick: Okay…
Woman: No worry — we clean up — you have many boyfriend.
–Beauty parlor on W 8th St
Overheard by: I just came in for a pedicure
What’s More American Than a Severely Defective Grasp of History?
Mom with teen son: Doesn’t looking at that just make you proud to be an American?
Son: Yeah… except for the fact that the Chinese gave it to us.
–Statue of Liberty Ferry
Overheard by: Julia
Oh Wait, That’s Just Steven Tyler — Hi, Steven!
Biotech #1: I hate her, she’s so ugly.
Biotech #2: She’s a drag queen.
–Trump Atrium Party, 5th Ave between 56th & 57th
Overheard by: Tim
Whereas These Two Are Professional Stupidists
Man: So, like, what’s up with her?
Woman: She is sooo a narcist!
Man: What’s that?
Woman: When, like, you’re happy to see people in pain.
Man: Oh, yeah. She’s a total narcist.
–F train
Because Then We Could Sniff Each Other’s Butts, and That Would Be Normal
Dude #1, looking at attractive girl walking a dog: I want to be a dog.
Dude #2: Me too.
–2nd Ave & 49th St
And That’s Why Some Black People Live in Connecticut
Thug in Navigator: Hey! Where’s Brooklyn Bridge at from here?
Guy in car: Uhhh…
Queer in back seat: You’re asking three white guys in a Connecticut car? Fuck! You ain’t gonna make it.
–Flatbush Ave, off the BQE
Overheard by: TK, third guy from CT who didn’t know either
I Want a Piece of That Action!
Seated old guy gesturing across the street to young couple kissing: Why do they keep doing that? They do that every morning!
Old guy walking by: Yeah?
Seated old guy: Every morning!
Old guy walking by: Bah, humbug!
–N5 & Bedford, Williamsburg
Exactly the Response the Artist Was Looking For
Giggling little girl placing hand in butt-crack of a statue: Daddy, look!
Father: Spank it!
–Times Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Adam Distler
Nothing but Good Times for Black People Since
Gaggle of black girls shriek on street.
Hipster girl #1: Ew, what happened?
Hipster girl #2: Slavery was abolished.
–Houston & Orchard
