Thug #1: Yeah, me too. I get so much pussy… Sometimes I’m too tired to even fuck ’em all.
Thug #2: Nigga, you gay.
–M4 bus stop, 110th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: High LiferforLife
Archive for 2006
Find a Healthy Meal on 149th, and I’ll Buy You Food for the Next Week
Crackhead: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not here to bug ya’ll, but I am here to ask you for some money. If you ain’t got money, I’ll take food.
Girl: You can have my lunch.
Crackhead: What you got there?
Girl: Steak, rice, and beans…
Crackhead: No, baby, I’m worried about my cholesterol!
–4 train at 149th
And, By the Way, That Emperor Dude Is Naked
Girl #1: Did you know they built the Empire State Building in less than a year?
Girl #2 looking towards WTC site: So why is that still a fucking hole in the ground?
–Cortland St
Overheard by: wondering same
Help Me File off This Serial Number
Working girl #1: I love your ring. Where’d you get it?
Working girl #2: It’s my grandma’s. We just found her will.
Working girl #1: Wait, oh my god, when did your grandmother die?
Working girl #2: She hasn’t, yet.
−−4÷5÷6 train, Wall St station
Only Because He Could Do a Back Walkover
Teen artiste #1: Wait until you try to put on a play where your only set piece is your band teacher.
Teen artiste #2: Hey, we had a table!
–Kingsborough Community College
Overheard by: Lotte
You’re Not Okay with That?
Limo driver: What are you trying to do?!
Cabbie: Did you not see the other guy, what he was doing? I had to move.
Limo driver: So he tries to kill you, and you move over and try to kill me?
Cabbie: What you want me to do?
Limo driver: So, you try to kill me so you don’t die — you try to kill me, then.
Cabbie: Well, then you have to die.
–7th Ave South & Perry St
Nah, I’d Send in a Designated Hitter
Hot chick walks by in Yankees sweatshirt.
Guy to friend: Dude. Dude, that girl is hot as fuck. I would hit that so hard.
Mets fan nearby: Ouch. Sucks she’s a Yankees fan.
Guy: What? Who the hell cares? She could have a fucking penis, and I’d still hit that shit up, down, left, right, and diagonally.
Mets fan: That’s kinda gay.
–Times Square
Hell Is When You Get Money and Can’t Spend It
Teacher: So in Christianity, if you’re good, what do you get when you die?
Ghetto girl #1: Money?
Teacher: No.
Ghetto girl #2: You get to go to heaven.
Teacher: Yes!
Ghetto girl #1: What? Is that a true story?
Ghetto girl #2: No, Tashanda,* that’s religion.
–New Design High School
Overheard by: god
Or They Might Have Just Moved Manhattan around It
Hipster teen #1: Dude, where the hell is Madison Square Garden?
Hipster teen #2: Yo, I don’t know. My mom said it’s over here somewhere. It was right here last time I came!
Hipster teen #1: Dude, they don’t just move Madison Square Garden.
Hipster teen #2: Yeah, you never know, though. With all them terrorists and shit, they got to move stuff all the time.
–36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Corrie
Or We’ll Never Finish This Haiku
Middle-aged woman: … And you can’t just tell me what you thought of it?
Middle-aged man: I can tell you. I’ll tell you in two words: Anal intercourse.
Middle-aged woman: No, no. Give me three words.
–Broadway & 35th, Astoria
Overheard by: Three’s a Crowd
