Archive for 2006

Susan. She’s Single, on the Rebound, and Not Worried About a Little Thing Like Alzheimer’s

Guy: I can’t believe he’s gone. He was such a good man.
Girl: I know, I feel so bad for Susan.
Older woman: I know, poor Susan. He was everything to her.
Older man: I know, what a wonderful guy he was. I remember that party we all went to, he had so much fun. [Whispering to older woman] Who are we here to see again?

–Funeral Home, Queens

Overheard by: Glad I’m not Susan

Seven Months Later, she Complains About Having to Step Around the Amniotic Fluid to Get to the Door

Hobo woman: Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for…
Non-hobo man: Oh, hell no!
Hobo woman: … for interupting you during your trip. I’m homeless…
Non-hobo man: I’m homeless, too! Shut-up!
Homeless woman: And I’m two months pregnant…
Non-hobo man: You ain’t pregnant! You just fat! Sit-down and shut-up!

–F train

Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy

Luke.… I Am Your Wednesday-One-Liners

Jappy Teenage daughter: Daddeeee! I want you to get rid of sweat.

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: Lord…

Black woman on cell: I don’t like big, Black, aggressive men. I like light-skinned men, cause I’m Jamaican. I just found out I’m Jamaican like five years ago. My mom told me the guy who I thought was my father is not my real father. But you know, I don’t hold nothing against him. Dude paid child support and shit.

–Queens bound 7 Train

Hoochie with baby: As soon as he came outta me and I saw what color he was, oh no, I knew who his daddy was. But I love the shit outta my son.

–R Train

Little girl: When I don’t want to listen to my dad I just say ‘Talk to the hand!’

–Wooster St & Spring St

Little kid in stroller: Dad, is this us?

–Inside subway car on NYC subway IRT line at 34 thst stop

Overheard by: Steve Grant

Wednesday One-Liners in Whiteface

Extremely large guy: Yo, I’m scared of clowns for reeeaaal.

–Court & Montague, Brooklyn

Mother to young child, after ghetto girl passes: No, honey, she’s not a clown. She just likes to dress that way.

–95th & Madison

Overheard by: Don Ricardo

Mother, watching a clown holding a briefcase walk onto the train: [to child] Look, honey, it’s a funny clown!… [to husband] Do you think he has a bomb in that briefcase?

–F train

Overheard by: and then i burst out laughing.

Wednesday One-Liners Failed Third Grade, Just Like Einstein

Queer: Fuck you! I’m a smart gay!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Keesha Brown

Accidental ironist: Yeah, obviously he has no sense of smartness.

–68th & Lex

Overheard by: Casti

Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I’m too smart to erase more than that.

–Chinatown bus

Girl on cell: They said that I’m smart, and that I can articulate well. But I’m not… you know… Oh, whatever.

–Queensboro Community College

Overheard by: LizDayglow

Tween boy to dad: I’m looking for a girl who’s younger and smarter.

–71st & West End

Overheard by: Susan Volchok