Archive for 2006

He’ll Need The Club Tonight

Asian guy: Teddy Roosevelt, there was a man. Out of the days when men could club women over the head and drag them off.

Asian chick: Hmm.

Asian guy: What I’m saying is — my thesis is — the position I’m taking is — the argument I’m making is — there’s never been a successful matriarchal society.

Asian chick: Hmm.

Asian guy: Byron “The Whizzer” White! He was a man. He could do it all. Feminism is bullshit. That’s what I love about you. I can’t talk like this around most girls.

Asian chick: Hmm.

–Tony’s Di Napoli, 84th & 2nd

Something Like That

Girl #1: I am, like, so sick of eating matzah!
Girl #2: I’m not Jewish, but I like to eat it.
Girl #1: Do you know why the Jews eat matzah at passover?
Girl #2: I think it’s, like, because the Jews were baking bread when the Nazis came and they didn’t have time to wait for it to cook, right?

–Hotel Gansevoort lobby, Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Cynthia Z

Two Polka Days, Two Family Therapy Days

Girl #1: I’m telling you, it’s impossible to see all of Milwaukee in four days. There’s just too much to do.
Girl #2: Well, can we go to Polka Days, at least?
Girl#1, angrily: How many times do I have to say this, we can’t do Polka Days and see all of Milwaukee all in one visit. That’s crazy.
Girl #2: I’m kinda nervous. Are we going to tell your mom we’re dating or just friends?
Girl #1: Yeah, we should totally go to Solly’s Grill on the Northside. They have the best burgers in the world. I’m so stoked.

–Chelsea Grill Hell’s Kitchen, 9th Ave

The Question Answers Itself

Guy talking to his friends: She start talking about her “boyfriend.” I’m all, “Fuck that! I ain’t tryin’ to hear about your ‘boyfriend!’ Your boyfriend all that, how come you here with me? How come your ‘boyfriend’ ain’t with you now, bitch? How come he ain’t helping you move?”

–F train

You Just Stand on Your Head

An Israeli guy is reading a newspaper in Hebrew.

Kid: What language is that? Russian or something?
Israeli guy: No, it’s Hebrew. It might look a little like Russian, but you read it from right to left
Kid: Really? That must be hard.

–3 train

He’s Practically in Jersey

Annoucement: Attention transit police. Please respond. There is a passenger harrassing peeople on the southbound platform.

Wait 30 seconds… Announcement repeats three times. Guy on platform takes off his headphones.

Headphone guy: Wait — What was that about the harrassing?

Other guy on platform: Oh, you don’t have to worry — he’s on the southbound platform.

Headphone guy [puts his headphones on again]: Cool.

–18th St 1/9 stop, northbound platform

Overheard by: diana

I’m About to Anticlimax

Guy #1 eating an ice cream cone: Look at these babes.
Guy #2 eating an ice cream cone: Look at these jugs.
Guy #1: Look at these bombs.
Guy #2: Holy shit! Russian Scuds!
Guy #1: Look at these torpedos!
Guy #2: Look at these fun bags!
Guy #1: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! What a babe!
Guy #2: Yeah, but her friend has to do something with that can.

–Broadway & 22nd

Overheard by: Eric Wenstrom