Archive for 2006

He’ll Need The Club Tonight

Asian guy: Ted­dy Roo­sevelt, there was a man. Out of the days when men could club women over the head and drag them off.

Asian chick: Hmm.

Asian guy: What I’m say­ing is — my the­sis is — the po­si­tion I’m tak­ing is — the ar­gu­ment I’m mak­ing is — there’s nev­er been a suc­cess­ful ma­tri­ar­chal so­ci­ety.

Asian chick: Hmm.

Asian guy: By­ron “The Whizzer” White! He was a man. He could do it all. Fem­i­nism is bull­shit. That’s what I love about you. I can’t talk like this around most girls.

Asian chick: Hmm.

–Tony’s Di Napoli, 84th & 2nd

Some­thing Like That

Girl #1: I am, like, so sick of eat­ing matzah!
Girl #2: I’m not Jew­ish, but I like to eat it.
Girl #1: Do you know why the Jews eat matzah at passover?
Girl #2: I think it’s, like, be­cause the Jews were bak­ing bread when the Nazis came and they did­n’t have time to wait for it to cook, right?

–Ho­tel Gan­sevoort lob­by, Meat­pack­ing Dis­trict

Over­heard by: Cyn­thia Z

Two Pol­ka Days, Two Fam­i­ly Ther­a­py Days

Girl #1: I’m telling you, it’s im­pos­si­ble to see all of Mil­wau­kee in four days. There’s just too much to do.
Girl #2: Well, can we go to Pol­ka Days, at least?
Girl#1, an­gri­ly: How many times do I have to say this, we can’t do Pol­ka Days and see all of Mil­wau­kee all in one vis­it. That’s crazy.
Girl #2: I’m kin­da ner­vous. Are we go­ing to tell your mom we’re dat­ing or just friends?
Girl #1: Yeah, we should to­tal­ly go to Sol­ly’s Grill on the North­side. They have the best burg­ers in the world. I’m so stoked.

–Chelsea Grill Hel­l’s Kitchen, 9th Ave

The Ques­tion An­swers It­self

Guy talk­ing to his friends: She start talk­ing about her “boyfriend.” I’m all, “Fuck that! I ain’t tryin’ to hear about your ‘boyfriend!’ Your boyfriend all that, how come you here with me? How come your ‘boyfriend’ ain’t with you now, bitch? How come he ain’t help­ing you move?”

–F train

You Just Stand on Your Head

An Is­raeli guy is read­ing a news­pa­per in He­brew.

Kid: What lan­guage is that? Russ­ian or some­thing?
Is­raeli guy: No, it’s He­brew. It might look a lit­tle like Russ­ian, but you read it from right to left
Kid: Re­al­ly? That must be hard.

–3 train

He’s Prac­ti­cal­ly in Jer­sey

An­nouce­ment: At­ten­tion tran­sit po­lice. Please re­spond. There is a pas­sen­ger har­rass­ing peeo­ple on the south­bound plat­form.

Wait 30 sec­onds… An­nounce­ment re­peats three times. Guy on plat­form takes off his head­phones.

Head­phone guy: Wait — What was that about the har­rass­ing?

Oth­er guy on plat­form: Oh, you don’t have to wor­ry — he’s on the south­bound plat­form.

Head­phone guy [puts his head­phones on again]: Cool.

–18th St 1/9 stop, north­bound plat­form

Over­heard by: di­ana

I’m About to An­ti­cli­max

Guy #1 eat­ing an ice cream cone: Look at these babes.
Guy #2 eat­ing an ice cream cone: Look at these jugs.
Guy #1: Look at these bombs.
Guy #2: Holy shit! Russ­ian Scuds!
Guy #1: Look at these tor­pe­dos!
Guy #2: Look at these fun bags!
Guy #1: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! What a babe!
Guy #2: Yeah, but her friend has to do some­thing with that can.

–Broad­way & 22nd

Over­heard by: Er­ic Wen­strom