Archive for 2006

The Get­away Ve­hi­cle Had 1 Horse­pow­er

Chick: How much for a ride?
Han­som guy: 45 dol­lars.
La­dy cop: This is the last time I’m go­ing to tell you, get off this street with this horse. If I see you one more time on this street I’m tak­ing the horse and I’m lock­ing you up! You hear me? I’ll take this horse and I’ll lock you up!
Han­som guy: Ha, ha! Fuckin’ bitch.

–50th & 5th

Too Bad She Can’t Be a Hot­tie

Chick #1: So how did your tri­al go?
Chick #2: It went well, it went my way.
Chick #1: That’s great.
Chick #2: Yeah. The guy was ac­tu­al­ly nice; well, he was list­ed as a vi­o­lent felon, but…
Chick #1: A nice vi­o­lent felon?
Chick #2: Ha, ha…yeah. He tried to play the “my 88 year old dad and my wife and kids are here, I’m in re­hab try­ing to clean up my life” card. But I put him on the stand for the whole day and caught him in all these lies.

–Broad­way & 13th

Then Ex­plain Max­im’s Judge Judy Spread

Shop­girl #1: I can’t be­lieve she’s in love with a guy who’s 26.
Shop­girl #2: Well, my dad could­n’t say any­thing if I went out with a guy who’s 28 even, ’cause he mar­ried some­one like 20 years younger than him.
Shop­girl #1: Wow, is she a hot­tie?
Shop­girl #2: She’s a lawyer, so she can’t be.

–4 Play BK, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Mr. Donut­su

At Least Then She Knew Which Stu­dent Was Leav­ing Her the Fish Heads

Phi­los­o­phy pro­fes­sor: So you can see how the The Lord of the Rings did have some truths in it. Now, what was the ring called again, did­n’t it have a name or some­thing? What was that?
Stu­dent, se­ri­ous­ly: The pre­cious.

–Ford­ham Lin­coln Cen­ter

Head­line by: An­na M

Run­ners-Up:
· “And, for Ex­tra Cred­it: “What Has It Got in Its Pock­et­ses?”” — Dun­can Pflaster
· “Filthy Stu­pid Stu­dentses!!!” — Park­er
· “I Just Gol­lum Like I See ’em.” — sp
· “No, I Meant Its El­ven Name” — MLL
· “The Pro­fes­sors Like Them Raw and Wrig­gling Here” — Alex
· “The Rest Of the Class Just Had to Learn to Tol­er­ate the Smell Of Dead Fish and Dirty Loin­cloth” — James

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test