Man: And if he’s coming at me with his motherfucking knife, he’s going out the window.
Woman: You ain’t supposed to know about the knife.
Man: I don’t give a shit.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Daniel
Archive for 2006
Go Call Somebody Who Has a Soul
Guy: You have to accept the lord Jesus Christ into your soul! The Gospel says that if you don’t accept the lord, you will burn in hell! Hear my words and heed my warnings! The lord will take vengance upon your defiance!
Woman: Here’s a quarter! Shut the fuck up!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Adam Sandler Was Misunderstood, Too
Punk rock girl: I’m pretty sure they knew it was satirical.
Punk rock guy: They didn’t think it was satirical, they think you actually think that.
Punk rock girl: But it was parody!
Punk rock guy: It was bullshit!
–7th Ave & Greenwich
She’s Home Studying for the SATs
Twentysomething guy at urinal #1: Damn, some of the girls getting trashed here are only in high school!
Twentysomething guy at urinal #2: Yeah, I’m glad I didn’t bring my wife.
–114th & Broadway
Nothing Says Class Like a Nose Full of Sucrose
Stoner #1: I dare you to snort this pixie stick.
Stoner #2: But I only have a five dollar bill.
Stoner #1: So, what’s the problem?
Stoner #2: Dude, you can’t snort with a five dollar bill. That’s just wrong. It has to be at least a twenty. God, have some dignity.
–Stuyvesant High School
It’s Saying, “Let’s Do the Time Warp”
Hipster chick: Why are you lying on the ground?
Drunk Peruvian starts doing pelvic thrusts.
Hipster chick: Are you talking to me with your crotch?
–Bowery Ballroom
Overheard by: Siegal
That’s When She Gets Off Work
Guy: What’s in the steamed little juicy buns?
Four-fingered Chinese waitress: 10 minute longer.
–Ollie’s, 44th & Broadway
There’s a Class at Toys in Babeland
Girl on cell: Ugh, so I’m headed to the subway now. I just had to do this job where we were working with a construction crew so of course they were like “let’s give the bull dyke all the construction work.” And I’m like, I don’t know how to fucking use power tools.
–5th Ave & E 39th
He Uses That Line on All His Dates
Guy #1: Have I ever told you that I got a ticket for public urination?
Guy #2: No way, that’s awesome!
–3rd Ave & 19th St
But Those Are Naturally Occurring
Guy #1: What’s a clamato? Isn’t that a type of tomato? Tastes like a tomato.
Guy #2: It’s a clam and a tomato.
Guy #1: No… Really?
Guy #3: Yeah. It’s a combination of two words… you know, like dumbass!
–Union Suare
Overheard by: Primo