Archive for 2006

Let’s Get Some Ice Cream and Give Him a Call

Girl: Oh my god. Don’t even mention his name to me. I hate him so much.
Guy: You mean hate him like you’d wanna set him on fire hate him?
Girl: I mean hate him like I wouldn’t even shit on him if someone else set him on fire.
Guy: Uh… I believe the phrase is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”.
Girl: Yeah, whatever. It’s all the same when you’re lactose-intolerant.

–Greenwich Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: happy milk drinker

They Must’ve Rehearsed That for Weeks

Drunk guy: Hey there! Have we met before? I’m sure we have.
Sober girl: No, we haven’t.
Drunk guy: Yeah we have! Where do I know you from?
Sober girl: No where. We’ve never met.
Drunk guy: YES, we have! I know we have!
Sober girl: Yeah, now that you mention it. We have met.
Drunk guy: See! I told you. Where did we meet again?
Sober girl: Your dreams, drunkie.

–Sutton Place, 53rd & 2nd

Good Thing His Friends Had His Back

Guy #1: Dude, he was so drunk, he was twisted. He’d had like, I don’t know, 25 shots.
Guy #2: 25 shots? Of what??
Guy #1: Of vodka I guess. He was sitting in his BMW holding the wheel and falling asleep.
Guy #2: He was driving??
Guy #1: Naw… Fucker was too drunk to realize he forgot to turn the car on.

–Moeshe’s Falafal, 46th & 6th

Overheard by: Waiting for Falafal