Do-gooder: Excuse me, you’re not allowed to smoke in here.
Stoner lady: My bad, you want some?
Do-gooder: Um, no thanks, can you just put it out.
Stoner lady: Yeah, I used to do cocaine too, but it got too messy.
–1 train
Archive for 2006
Maybe That Worked on Your Mormon Girlfriend
Skinny white guy: I’m like, really excited for that Israel parade. Like, I think it will be a really nice experience for me.
Jewish girl: Mmhmm.
Skinny white guy: No, I’m serious. I love Jews. And like, I’m not just saying it to get into your pants.
–Penn Station
Dartmouth and Swarthmore Merged, and It Wasn’t Pretty
Teacher: He probably met her in Darfur.
Teen boy: Yeah, thats it. They probably met in college.
Teen girl: Are you kidding me?
Teen boy: What?
Teen girl: Darfur is not a college, it’s a country.
Teenboy: Umm, no. It’s a college.
Teen girl: No, it’s a country in Africa.
Teacher: She’s right. It’s a country in Africa.
Teen boy: Oh, I thought we were talking about the college Darfur.
Teen girl: Right….
–Poly Prep Country Day School
Overheard by: i know where darfur is.
You’re Saying It’s Not a Representative Sample?
Girl: Well, Christy works with three people who are getting sex changes.
Guy: Yeah, but she works at a vegan restaurant.
–Ave A & St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: jenny wallace
Time for Her to Go Back on Craigslist
Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.
–M1 bus
Similar, But More Expensive
Hipster chick #1: I wish they had a whole pizza made of crust. I would so buy it.
Hipster chick #2: Me, too!
Queer: You mean bread?
–Pino’s La Forchetta, Park Slope
So True or Complete Bullshit? You Decide
Asian guy: The freshman at Stuyvesant are more attractive than the sophomores this year.
Asian girl: That’s because they lowered the standards for them last year. And dumber people are obviously way hotter than smarter ones.
–Tasty Dumplings, Chinatown
He’s Been Setting Them Two Minutes Slow
Street vendor: Watches — five dollars.
Guy: Five dollars? What’s the catch?
Street vendor becomes nervous and looks around.
Street vendor: They’ll never catch me!
— Fulton St
Overheard by: elephant
The News Has Gotten So Boring Lately
Stoner #1: Yo, why did newsboys used to shout “Extra!” when they’d sell papers?
Stoner #2: I don’t know… maybe the news was about.. like… X-Men… like, mutants…
Stoner #1: Yeah… true… maybe.
–University & 8th
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
It Sounds Worse in Ecclesiastical Latin
Girl: Ew, I don’t even want to think about it. Cunnilingus.
Guy #1: Of course you think it’s gross if you call it that.
Guy #2: It’s just Latin.
Guy #1: It’s vulgar Latin.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jeeves