That Wasn’t You

NYU chick: Oh my god, I think it was the worst night of my life. When they found me, I was passed out on the toilet with my pant around my ankles. I’d thrown up into them.

–Attorney & Houston

It Involves Double Indemnity

Biker dude #1: I’m staying at that hotel, down by…93^rd and 3^rd.
Biker dude #2: Oh yeah?
Biker dude #1: Yeah, that’s where I tried to commit suicide.
Biker dude #2: What do you pay a week down there?
Biker dude #1: I got a good deal going with the guy down there.

–6^th Ave & 14^th St, Gowanus, Brooklyn

Pretty Much the Same but with More Wax

Man in elevator, to young boy: Como estas?
Wife: That is Spanish. He is from Brazil.
Man: Of, course. So, how do you say “how are you” in Brazilian?
Wife: Meh, they speak Portuguese in Brazil.
Man: Yes, I know that…
Pause
Man: How do you say it in Brazilian?

–109^th & Amsterdam

Jack McFarland Redux

College queer #1, trying to squeeze into seat at crowded table: Oh god, I’m too fat!
College queer #1: No you’re not. Then I wouldn’t be your friend.

–All About Food, NYU 

Overheard by: Pri

Guess Which One This Is

British tourist guy: Come on, think, how many hours have spent together sober?
British touris girl: Two and a half.
British tourist guy: Now, how many hours have we spent together stoned?
British tourist girl: Two and a half … thousand!

–Q train

Overheard by: Ben Couch

How to Get a Tourist Back on the Train

Woman on a payphone, with a hand over the receiver, yelling out to a man walking by: What city is this? What city am I in?
Man: Brooklyn!

–33^rd & 9^th, Manhattan

Ginger Did Her Boyfriend

Singing hobo: Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip –
Girl with a lot of rage: Shut the fuck up! I hate that fucking show. Gilligan’s Island. Fuck you, man.

–Union Square

80% of Divorces Start This Way

Man: Do you want fries?
Woman: No, I’ll eat yours.

–Times Square

Bowling Green Isn’t Looking Very Green, Either

Recording: This is Brooklyn Bridge…
Girl #1: This don’t look like Brooklyn Bridge
Girl# 2: I know, maybe they’re doing renovations or something.
Lady suit: We’re still in the tunnel.

–downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: Madison Parks

Dickishness Is Hereditary (and Dominant)

Guy #1: Is he sterile?
Guy #2: I hope so, he turned out to be kind of a dick later.

–Bedford & N 5^th

Overheard by: severed dreams