Tech geek guy: We really need to get a terrorism button.
Tech geek girl: Yeah, I totally agree. I’ve been having to use the old one, and I’m sick of it. A terrorism button would really make things easier.
–elevator, Newsweek building, 50th & Madison
Middle-aged female shopper: Excuse me, can you tell me where the matzoh is?
Fairway employee: Matzoh? I don’t know. What is that, a drink?
–Fairway Market, Red Hook, Brooklyn
Mother: Katie, why did you punch Audrey?
Young girl: Um, because she didn’t want to fight with me.
–15th St & Prospect Park West, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gary Wax
Dad: Wash your hands
Little boy: I don’t have to. I didn’t touch anything.
Dad: You touched yourself.
–Yankee Stadium Men’s Room
Overheard by: Jersey Guy
Guy: I’m in love!
Girl: Awwww.
Guy: With marijuana.
Girl: Oh.
–18th & 10th
Overheard by: John K
Hipster girl: What’s bird flu?
Hipster guy: I’m not sure. I think you get it from chickens or something.
Hipster girl: My mom has chickens.
Hipster guy: Does she have bird flu?
Hipster girl: No, she has eggs.
–L train
Child: Mommy, what’s that smell?
Mother: That’s the city, honey.
–44th & 8th
Teen boy #1: Is turkey actually, like, protein?
Teen boy #2: Of course. It’s got chicken in it.
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: overhearer
Guy: My brother tried to fuck my girlfriend once, and she still hates him for it! Some girls have no sense of humor.
–44th & 8th
Girlfriend: I don’t wanna talk to you.
Boyfriend, chasing after her: How many times must I tell you?! I don’t sleep with guys!!!
–36th & 10th
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist