Girl #1: My poop is like my cat’s.
Girl #2: Like pellets?
Girl #1: No, like chronic diarrhea.
Girl #2: Why don’t you take it to the vet?
Girl #1: I havn’t even taken myself to the doctor, so why would I bother going for the cat?
–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Hobo #1: Back in the day, lesbians were forced to get married to men.
Hobo #2: So what happened?
Hobo #1: They got jobs and can afford to have girlfriends.
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: Victor C.
Mets fan: Yo, white and chubby, sit down!
Chick: Just because some loser Mets fan wants an anorexic, Abercrombie-wearing, dick-sucking, slutty cunt for a girlfriend, I should feel bad because you think I’m white and chubby?!
–Yankee Stadium, between sections 37 & 39
Overheard by: another creature
Guy: If I send a guy over with a bag…how much money can you put in it?
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: tay-no
Woman #1: On days as hot as this, it’s okay not to wear panties!
Woman #2: I don’t know about that. I like to keep it all in there.
Woman #3: Yeah, I agree. I don’t want anything to be drippin’.
–Willoughby & Carlton, Brooklyn
Overheard by: BZD
Scottish guy #1: No, I don’t like her. Should I break up with her?
Scottish guy #2: Yes, definitely!
Scottish guy #1: Nah, I think I’ll rent a stretch limo, take her to see Mamma Mia in Glasgow for Valentine’s and rent a hotel room and then break up with her.
Scottish guy #2: What?
Scottish guy #1: What, is that bad?
–Planet Hollywood, Times Square
Overheard by: Cherie
Tourist man: Pardon me, officer, can you tell us where Orchard Street is?
Cop: See that naked Chinese guy?
Tourist man: Ummm…Yeah.
Cop: Walk down to him and make a left.
Tourist man: Um, thanks.
Cop: No problem.
–Delancey & Allen
Overheard by: Isaac
20-Something #1: My roommate was this die-hard Christian.
20-Something #2: Born again?
20-Something #1: No, just regular.
20-Something #2: What’s the difference?
Pause.
20-Something #1: I don’t really know.
20-Something #2: My first roommate was, too. She liked this one lady, Joyce Meyers.
20-Something #1: I didn’t know that women could be priestesses in the Catholic religion.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: jtango
Husband, to wife: In all eyes I am above you. [God] says you must do everything I say without question. If you weren’t pregnant, I wouldn’t even feed you.
–D train
Overheard by: jason
Late-20’s professional #1: Aw, I miss being a ho-bag.
Late-20’s professional #2: I know, me too. And I was so good at it!
–Starbucks, Broadway & Barclay
Overheard by: Sarah Vanderbilt
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist