Archive for 2006

We Al­so Call It ‘That Dude Is About to Be Robbed’

Lit­tle girl: Why is every­one sleep­ing on the sub­way?
Mom: They’re bored. Bored peo­ple sleep, read the pa­per, or lis­ten to mu­sic. You see that guy over there, the one who’s sleep­ing and read­ing the pa­per? We call that mul­ti­task­ing.

–Man­hat­tan bound N train

Over­heard by: Mul­ti­task­ing on the N

It’s Like Catholics Who Get Di­vorced or Have Abor­tions

Shik­sa girl #1: Oh, now I get it!
Shik­sa girl #2: Get what?
Shik­sa girl #1: Jews for Je­sus. See, Jews don’t usu­al­ly be­lieve in Je­sus, but these ones do.
Shik­sa girl #2: That to­tal­ly makes sense. That’s why they’re called “Jews for Je­sus”!
Jew­ish dude: They’re not Jews. They’re Chris­tians.
Shik­sa girl #2: But it says “Jews for Je­sus”!
Jew­ish dude: If you be­lieve in Je­sus, you aren’t a Jew.
Shik­sa girl #1: I don’t get it.

–Up­town 1 train

Over­heard by: Lau­ren Lern­er

If On­ly He Could Re­mem­ber It

Black cus­tomer: Hey, let me get that one. [Points at menu]Black em­ploy­ee: Which one?
Black cus­tomer: That one. [Points again]Black em­ploy­ee: Do you mean the smoke­house beef brisket?
Black cus­tomer: Yeah, the one in the pic­ture.
Black em­ploy­ee, sigh­ing: Black peo­ple!
Black cus­tomer: What? I’m not black. I’m Span­ish!
Black em­ploy­ee: No you’re not. Prove it. Say some­thing in Span­ish.
Black cus­tomer: Co­mo es­tas?
Black em­ploy­ee: See, you’re not Span­ish.
Black cus­tomer: My name is Span­ish.

–Quizno’s, 12th & Broad­way

His Par­ents Are Be­ing Kind; Her Mas­ter’s Is in Busi­ness Ad­min­is­tra­tion

Skater dude #1: I am mad smart, yo. My par­ents won’t even tell me my IQ. It’s so high they’re afraid to.
Skater dude #2: I se­ri­ous­ly doubt that, man.
Skater dude #1: No, my sis­ter’s way smart. She’s get­ting her Mas­ter’s de­gree, and my par­ents told me mine was high­er than hers.
Skater dude #2: Dude, she could be smart but you could to­tal­ly not be. It skips a gen­er­a­tion.
Skater dude #1: Not in my fam­i­ly it does­n’t.

–3rd St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: eiabo­ca