Woman #1: Why don’t you get a child of your own?
Woman #2: Girl, I already gots a car.
–Century 21, Cortlandt St
Archive for 2006
Because She Was Fat
Queer #1: Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Eww. No. They’re kids.
Queer #1: It’s not real. Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Falcor.
Queer #1: You and your hairy guys.
Woman: I want you guys to know I just realized why I didn’t sit at the popular table in the middle school lunch room.
–Pax Deli, 36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
No, Actually Just He and the Plant Are Working Together
Tourist, pointing at hobo: You stay right there. I’ll be back; you have my word.
Friend #1: What are you doing?
Tourist: I’m going to give this guy some money, but I don’t have any on me.
Hobo: Bless you.
Friends all open their wallets.
Hobo: Bless you, guys. See, we’re all working together!
–7th Ave between 8th & 9th, Park Slope
Overheard by: jayloo
Born-Again Brain Teaser
God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won’t be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.
–4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Apocalypse Now Had an Unwholesome Effect on Jared
Guy: Wow, a head on a stick! That’s so cute.
Girl: We should soo take a picture with it.
–Museum of Natural History
When the Nose Job’s a Little Too Good, You Play Down the Israel Line Just in Case
Kid: Would you like to buy some lemonade or iced tea?
Lady: Sure, what are you planning to use the money for?
Kid: Last week we were collecting money for Israeli soldiers. This week we’re saving for a nice vacation.
–Apartment building entrance, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Julie
When Narcissists Converse
Queer: Oh my God, I hope that guy over there thinks I’m cute.
Hag: Oh no, I hope I’m not pregnant.
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: cooldude
What About a Really Big Dick?
Girl: So, if you had to pick between a longer foot and a flipper foot, what would you choose? How about one big merman fin?
Guy: Wait, are these options?
–1 train
Overheard by: Yesenia
Still, Nothing Says Romance Like the Snap of a Latex Glove
Conservatively-Dressed guy: So my fingers are covered with little box-cutter cuts, which means I can’t go shoving them into the places that I used to. Now I might catch something.
–Brooklyn bound L train
Look, It’s College. I Was Just Experimenting.
Girl #1: That was really fun. We should do it again really soon.
Girl #2: Okay, great! Like when?
Girl #1: I dunno. I was just sayin’.
–13th St
Overheard by: Jordan Green