Archive for 2006

When the Stu­dent Is Ready, the Teacher Will Ap­pear

Skin­ny con­struc­tion work­er: All I know is…
Obese con­struc­tion work­er: I told you I don’t wan­na hear it!
Skin­ny con­struc­tion work­er: Lis­ten, I’m just gonna say this once, and I’ll let it go.
Obese con­struc­tion work­er: I said I don’t wan­na hear it!
Skin­ny con­struc­tion work­er: No­body, and I mean no­body, should sweat when they eat. There, I said it!

–Mc­Don­ald’s, Wall St

Over­heard by: Robert

Re­tail Ther­a­py Soothes Even the Most Trou­bled Up­per East Side Soul

Up­per-East-Side la­dy on cell: I know, but I was at a fu­ner­al all day…Yeah, it was sad, but I re­al­ly did­n’t know him at all…This sad­dest thing was see­ing his daugh­ters up­set. They’re the same ages as–Wow! This shirt is on­ly $19!! You can’t even buy a freak­ing Frap­puc­ci­no for $19! I’m get­ting it in blue.

–Ba­nana Re­pub­lic, 86th & 3rd

Over­heard by: DC

That’s Just So He Does­n’t Get Fired From His Sumo Job

Burly man: …but that’s just me. I think it’s ridicu­lous for Chica­go to ban foie gras when you can buy veal any­where. How is veal any more cru­el? But I ad­mit, it’s just me. I’m a big food­ie. I love the fin­er things in life. I just have to en­joy all the finest foods.
Dyke: But you just said you eat Taco Bell 4 times a week.

–DBA bar, 1st Ave be­tween 2nd & 3rd

Over­heard by: com­mon peo­ple

The AKC’S New Slo­gan

Park em­ploy­ee: Look, la­dy, if you want to have your dog off leash, you can bring it in af­ter nine o’­clock at night.
Up­per-East-Side la­dy: Oh, that’s a great idea. I’ll just bring my dog in­to Cen­tral Park af­ter nine…and get raped!
Park em­ploy­ee: What good is a dog if it can’t stop you from get­ting raped?

–Cen­tral Park, 85th St