Police cruiser stops on 8th Ave by a group of black teens.
Loudspeaker: What are you doing there?
Black teens: [inaudible]Loudspeaker: OK, but no hands.
One teen takes three long strides and leaps on top of a mailbox, wobbles precariously, touches one finger on a wobble, and stands straight up.
Loudspeaker: Used your hands.
–34th & 8th
Ghetto Girl: I wonder how come you don’t see more men here…
Gangsta #1: Shit, ’cause they ain’t got patience for this shit. I been here for four hours!
Gangsta #2: Yo nigga, that’s why I go shopping.
–Planned Parenthood waiting room, Bleecker St
Girl #1: So if I get the Big Mac but get a Diet Coke, it won’t matter, right?
Girl #2: Yeah, because the Diet Coke has like no calories, so it will be like just eating a hamburger without having anything to drink.
Girl #1: So I won’t get fat?
Girl #2: No, totally not.
–McDonalds, 69th St
Woman: So, did you hear so-and-so is getting married?
Man: Really? How does her fiancé feel about her being a lesbian?
Woman: She’s not a lesbian.
Man: Really? Does anybody else know that?
–Central Park Reservoir
Overheard by: Jill
Redhead: When I was dying, I had a thing with monkeys.
Ponytail: Really? Monkeys?
Redhead: Yeah… they were everywhere!
–New Amici’s, 187th St, the Bronx
Guy #1: So I said, “Well, you all are, like, almost hot.“
Guy #2: Wait, why did you do that?
Guy #1: Oh, I wasn’t going to hook up with any of them. So then I said, “See, it’s like you all could be hot. Like she has a nice ass, you have a nice nose… I just wish I could put all of you together and create one big Frankenpussy.”
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Black man: Quit turning around and walk, bitch. I ain’t gonna rape you.
White woman turns around and walks a little faster.
Black man: You ain’t even my type! Too skinny! I like ’em big!
–Madison Ave
Guy: Why the fuck are you dating Jimmy?
Girl: ‘Cause he’s sweet and nice, unlike you.
Guy: But he’s Chinese.
Girl: So? Are you racist or something?
Guy: Nah… but Chinese dudes got some small-ass hamster dicks. I know he ain’t hittin’ that right.
–F train
Overheard by: Tupac
Old tourist lady #1: Nobody looks at you here. Nobody looks into your eyes.
Old tourist lady #2: They probably would if we were better looking.
–Midtown
Woman: Foreigners are killing this city.
Man: Those people seemed like Americans.
Woman: But they’re foreign to New York.
–MoMA
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist