Archive for 2006

The Po­lice Ath­let­ic League Goes Re­cruit­ing

Po­lice cruis­er stops on 8th Ave by a group of black teens.

Loud­speak­er: What are you do­ing there?
Black teens: [inaudible]Loudspeaker: OK, but no hands.

One teen takes three long strides and leaps on top of a mail­box, wob­bles pre­car­i­ous­ly, touch­es one fin­ger on a wob­ble, and stands straight up.

Loud­speak­er: Used your hands.

–34th & 8th

She Got Fat

Girl #1: So if I get the Big Mac but get a Di­et Coke, it won’t mat­ter, right?
Girl #2: Yeah, be­cause the Di­et Coke has like no calo­ries, so it will be like just eat­ing a ham­burg­er with­out hav­ing any­thing to drink.
Girl #1: So I won’t get fat?
Girl #2: No, to­tal­ly not.

–Mc­Don­alds, 69th St

Of Mice and Mo­rons

Eighth-grade girl #1: Man, that Of Mice and Men book was weird.
Eighth-grade girl #2: I know, huh? And why was it called that, any­way? All they talk about is rab­bits. No mice.
Eighth-grade girl #1: Dude, re­al­ly! Why did­n’t that guy call it Of Rab­bits and Men?
Eighth-grade girl #2: I guess be­cause mice al­so starts with M.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Sha­la­mar

Wal­lace Shawn Has VERY High Stan­dards

Guy #1: So I said, “Well, you all are, like, al­most hot.“
Guy #2: Wait, why did you do that?
Guy #1: Oh, I was­n’t go­ing to hook up with any of them. So then I said, “See, it’s like you all could be hot. Like she has a nice ass, you have a nice nose… I just wish I could put all of you to­geth­er and cre­ate one big Franken­pussy.”

–Bleeck­er & Sul­li­van