Girl: I’m up for anything. You gotta change it up. I just don’t want to date a guy who’s a stick-in-the-mud.
Guy: Well, I can assure you, my stick has been out of the mud for some time now.
–Battery Park
Archive for 2006
Let Me Know When You’re Considering Women – Then I’ll Be Impressed
Queer: Dude, I’m so horny, I’m thinking about considering Asians.
–Lil’ Frankies, 1st St
My Flight to Siberia Leaves in an Hour
Optimist queer: You should be happy. Not all the people in the world are out to get you. Why not just be nice?
Pessimist queer: Whenever I’m nice to people, they spit in my eye, fuck me up my ass, and kick it all the way to Siberia.
Optimist queer: So when was the last time someone fucked you up your ass?
Pessimist queer: An hour ago.
–Sutphin & Hillside, Jamaica
Overheard by: ting
They Won’t Come Anywhere Near Us, And We Can Shop in Peace
Black guy #1: Man, we shoulda gone to the Target in Queens!
Black guy #2: Yeah! That’s where all the white people go!
–Target, Inwood
Overheard by: amused white girl
On the Bright Side, It Could Be the Grave of a Mime
Girl, pointing at a white blob at the foot of a tree: Ewww, a giant mushroom… oh, it’s a beret. Still, ewww.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lisa
I Want All Our Babies to Be Aborted Professionally
NYU girl #1, on cell: What? You got me something at Planned Parenthood?
NYU girl #2: I thought you hadn’t done it yet!
NYU girl #1, on cell: Oh, oh, a button with a wire hanger. With a cross through it.
NYU girl #2: Maybe he’s trying to tell you something.
–10th & 5th
Overheard by: notpoetry
That’s Only If the Baby’s Still Alive
Girl #1: It’s not good to flush the toilet while you’re in the stall.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because then everything that’s in the toilet… jumps out.
Girl #2: Ewww.
–Ladies’ room, Columbia University
Dr. Frankenstein: I Did the Best I Could, You Insensitive Whores!
Girl #1: Yeah, I just really don’t like Matthew McConaughey’s arms. I mean, he’s an attractive guy, but his arms are just…
Girl #2: I know what you mean, I guess… they don’t match his body.
Girl #1: I was going to say I hope he gets cancer in his arms, but I didn’t mean it.
Girl #2: I know.
–Columbus Circle
She Should See the Video
Dude: I know she’s your girlfriend, John, but I’d come all over her.
Bartender chick: Wow, that was kind of… graphic.
–The Slaughtered Lamb, Jones & West 4th
Overheard by: Tarkus
Open-Ended Questions Aren’t So Good When There’s Only One Answer, Brittney
Chick #1: You know what today is a perfect day for?
Chick #2: Shopping?
Chick #1: No. Gaelic football!
–87th & 2nd