Archive for 2006

Every­thing I Need to Know About Cos­mol­o­gy I Learned in Four Years of Ninth Grade

Teen girl: Is the uni­verse, like, the whole world or just the Unit­ed States?
Guy: Dude, it’s, like, every­thing in ex­is­tence.
Ghet­to guy: Nuh-uh! It’s just like a group. Our uni­verse is the Milky Way.
Guy: You’re an id­iot. It in­cludes the Milky Way, but that’s not what it is.
Ghet­to guy: I went to four years of high school. I think I would know.

–M96 bus

Over­heard by: Tree­sha

He Sees You As an Al­ter­na­tive Tar­get, Not Pro­tec­tion

Chi­nese guy: Hey, now that you’re here we can go to Sylvi­a’s in Harlem and get some soul food.
Black guy: What do you mean, “now that I’m here”? What, you can’t go to Harlem by your­self, but now that you’ve got your to­ken black you’re safe? That’s fucked up.
Chi­nese guy: Let me ask you some­thing: would you go to Harlem alone at night?
Black guy: OK, that’s not the point.

–Chi­na­town

Over­heard by: Ricky

From the Trail­er for Disney/Pixar’s Rata­touille

Woman: You know how those an­i­mal peo­ple are, though. I mean, I speak to them, though! I’ve done pi­geon res­cues and stuff be­fore. I love an­i­mals.
Man: Did you ever bury your rats?
Woman: No… I just can’t bring my­self to do it.
Man: How long has it been? Three years?
Woman: Yeah. They’re still in my freez­er.
Man: Just bury them al­ready!
Woman: I can’t bring my­self to do it! They were my fa­vorite!
Man: But they’re IN YOUR FREEZ­ER! Why not have them stuffed, then?
Woman: What? No! That would be wacky!

–A train, 207th St

Over­heard by: Aus­ton McLain