Archive for 2006

Mel Gib­son: ‘None of That Ac­tu­al­ly Hap­pened.’

Old drunk guy: You guys know any­thing about health and nu­tri­tion?
Guy: Clear­ly not, as we’re drink­ing beer.
Old drunk guy: Oh… Good point. Well, this may be weird, but re­mem­ber the Holo­caust? Yeah, the Ger­mans found out that the best di­ets are when you eat the same thing that you’re made of. You know… They learned this be­cause, you know, they would feed fam­i­lies to one an­oth­er but no­body else re­al­ized it. This is why it’s good to eat red meat. Yeah, pret­ty crazy huh? Ok, bye.
Guy: Yikes.

–Ryan’s Daugh­ter, 85th & 1St

Over­heard by: Greg

The Ones From the For­mer East­ern Bloc Are Just Av­er­age

Queer: He’s re­al­ly smart. I’m re­al­ly smart. It’s good, it works out. I think smart peo­ple should be sleep­ing to­geth­er, it’s the nat­ur­al way.
Woman: You guys could have smart kids!
Queer: Uh, I hate to be the one to tell you, but that’s not the way it works.
Woman: …from Chi­na!

–Franklin St & Free­man St, Green­point

Over­heard by: Matthew K John­son

Now I Have her Hap­py Ass to Hate

Loud la­dy #1: My daugh­ter is so hap­py, I mean she is just so hap­py! I look at her and I think, ‘Who is this hap­py per­son?‘
Loud la­dy #2: That’s be­cause she knows she is loved…
Loud la­dy #3: When I was her age I was writ­ing in my di­ary, ‘I hate my­self I wish I was dead.’

–53rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: on my hon­ey­moon

Big­gie: At Last, Some­one Un­der­stands my Mes­sage!

Big white dyke: You know what we should do? We should call Hugh and all our slut­ty friends. They could all come over and get drunk, and we’d put on some rap.
Big black dyke: What?
Big white dyke: No, se­ri­ous­ly, I was at my friends’ par­ty and we put on a Big­gie Smalls al­bum. Fif­teen min­utes lat­er it was the sleazi­est par­ty I’ve ever been to.

–Brook­lyn bound Q

Over­heard by: Ben­jamin