Archive for 2006

Ap­ple’s Next An­ti-PC Mar­ket­ing Cam­paign Takes Shape

Of­fice thug #1: Yo, Win­dows is, like, mad-re­tard­ed!
Of­fice thug #2: Say what?
Of­fice thug #1: I said Win­dows is bull­shit, man.
Of­fice thug #2: Man, I been telling you that shit for years. My G5 is way bet­ter than what­ev­er com­put­er you got.
Of­fice thug #1: Nig­ga, my lap­top has AIDS!

–52nd St & Madi­son

‘Hey, Big Tit­ty Ma­ma!’: Rem­i­nis­cences of a Life in New York

Girl #1: Some­body in a limo yelled some­thing ob­scene at me to­day, but I could­n’t hear them be­cause I had my iPod on.
Girl #2: Yeah, you should al­ways have your iPod on so you can’t hear the ter­ri­ble things peo­ple shout at you.
Girl #1: But then I would­n’t have any ma­te­r­i­al for my mem­oirs!

–Brook­lyn-bound Q train

Over­heard by: Mo­nia Paford

The Terms of His Pa­role Re­quire All the Res­i­dents of Man­hat­tan to Hit Him

His­pan­ic thug #1: You have to hit a kid to teach him re­spect.
His­pan­ic thug #2: That does­n’t work
His­pan­ic thug #1: Sure it does, re­mem­ber when I stole that stuff when I was younger and dad hit me? That taught me the re­spect that I need­ed not to steal
His­pan­ic thug #2: You still steal.
His­pan­ic thug #1: Yeah, but not from my fam­i­ly.

–Down­town 4

But I’d Eat Out Jack Black­’s Ass for the Pas­tra­mi at Katz’s

Deli girl: So is that your girl­friend?
Guy : No, just a room­mate.
Deli girl: What about that oth­er girl you were in here with last week, the oth­er blonde one?
Guy : Nope, just a friend.
Deli girl: And that brunette that came in with you the oth­er day?
Guy : I’m ac­tu­al­ly gay.
Guy to room­mate: Dude, did you see that? That girl is fuck­ing stalk­ing me, she knows every girl I come in here with. I had to tell her I was gay so she would stop with the ques­tions.
Room­mate: Why did­n’t you just tell her Jess was your girl­friend?
Guy : Cuz the way she was grilling me, I would’ve had to bring Jess in here and make out with her in front of this psy­cho to make her be­lieve me.
Room­mate: Right, so now all you have to is bring a guy in here and make out with him. she’ll be­lieve you.
Guy: I’m not sure the sand­wich­es in here are worth that.

–Deli, 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Don’t think I’ll be go­ing back there