Archive for 2006

They Both Missed Their Stop

Old la­dy: Are you get­ting off at this stop?
Guy: The train has­n’t stopped yet.
Old la­dy: I know, but I want to be ready when it does.
Guy: Don’t wor­ry, you’ll be ready.
Old la­dy: Yeah, but you’re a lot big­ger than I am.
Guy: I’m not go­ing to block the door.
Old la­dy: Yeah, but I’m car­ry­ing a lot heav­ier bags than you are.
Guy: You should get a cart.
Old la­dy: You should get a don­key!
Guy: A don­key? I’ll con­sid­er it.

–N Train ap­proach­ing Queens­boro Bridge

Over­heard by: Laugh­ing N Train

The Scourge of Po­et­ry

NYU chick #1: So in my class to­day we were talk­ing about eu­nuchs — you know, like from the mid­dle ages and shit — and when­ev­er I hear ‘eu­nuch,’ I think of Mu­nich, like the city.
NYU chick #2: Um… Maybe be­cause it rhymes.
NYU chick #1: No shit it rhymes, but when­ev­er peo­ple talk about Chi­na do you start to think about a vagi­na?
NYU chick #2: You’re weird.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: thank god i’m not in col­lege any­more

Af­ter Five Min­utes of Me, You Are Go­ing to Want to Change the Chan­nel

His­pan­ic male hos­pi­tal work­er: You know what women hate? When men take for­ev­er and a day to fin­ish. Let’s say the av­er­age woman likes five min­utes of sex, but he keeps go­ing and go­ing and thir­ty min­utes lat­er she’s think­ing, ‘Hey, let’s watch TV.‘
In­di­an vir­gin hos­pi­tal work­er: We on­ly like it for five min­utes?

–Star­bucks, 17th & 1st

The First 31 Years Were Just a Blip

Tourist #1: I want a so­da, but I don’t see it on the menu.
Tourist #2: They don’t have so­da here?
Tourist #3: I don’t see any drinks on the menu at all.
Tourist #1: This place’ll nev­er make it with­out so­da.

–Carnegie Deli, 54th & 7th

Over­heard by: Sit­ting at the ta­ble next to them, three feet away