Archive for 2006

En­thu­si­asm: Curbed

Drunk #1: Yo, did you see who was just pee­ing next to me? Lar­ry David! I think Lar­ry David just sprin­kled pee on my shoes!
Drunk #2: So now you’re not gonna clean your shoes ’cause they got celebri­ty piss on them? Why don’t you sell them on eBay?
Drunk #3: That was­n’t Lar­ry David.
Drunk #1: Yo, then I should kick that guy’s ass for pee­ing on my shoes!

–Re­stroom, Cheap Trick con­cert, Bea­con The­atre

Over­heard by: Hobo Whis­per­er

Even More Now that I Know She Pees in Hobo Jars!

NYU ditz #1: So, this hobo on the train is sell­ing Paris Hilton’s urine as per­fume! It was all yel­low in a jar and he was like, ‘Yeah, she took a piss and I’ve got it to sell — 20 bucks a pop.‘
NYU ditz #2: No freak­ing way — what did it smell like?
NYU ditz #1: Like urine — I just can’t be­lieve he col­lect­ed her urine… [Baf­fled pause] You think it was re­al­ly hers? I love Paris Hilton!

–Star­bucks cor­ner, Wash­ing­ton Square

No, I’ve Got My Tin­foil Hat On

Bim­bette #1: Have you ever no­ticed that lemon-lime so­da tastes like urine af­ter a few min­utes of not drink­ing it?
Bim­bette #2: Nope.
Bim­bette #1: Well, it does. That’s why you have to keep drink­ing it — so it does­n’t taste bad. Then you get ad­dict­ed to it and you buy more. It’s a clever mar­ket­ing scheme.
Bim­bette #2: Has the gov­ern­ment been prob­ing your brain late­ly?

–Grand Cen­tral