Indian girl: You see, in Psychology, gay isn’t a disease — you can’t treat gay.
Pakistani guy: Oh, I can treat gay, you watch me.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Archive for 2006
The Cream Puff with the Receptacle Tip
Girl: I went to this awesome Italian restaurant last night.
Boy: Oh, yeah? What did you have?
Girl: This thing called ‘Prophylactic.‘
Boy: That’s ‘Profiterole,’ you dumbass.
–20th St & 5th Ave
Funnily, the System Wants to Kill You for Being Such Pretentious Jerk-Offs
Teen hippie: I hate the system with a passion. It’s so systematic, I want to kill its children.
Friend: Dude, we are its children.
–Greenwich Village
Once or Twice, Before Forgetting about Him
Brunette: But… I don’t know what to say to him. What do you say to that?
Redhead: Just tell him you wanna use him like a pogo stick.
–Line at Helen Hayes Theater
Internecine Rivalries are Just What the Post Office Wants!
DHL guy: Hey, you going to 5–5‑1–3? Take this over there for me.
FedEx lady: Nigga, you know there’s no ‘FedEx’ in ‘team.’
–55th floor, Empire State Building
Overheard by: Guy Smiley
Turns Out ‘The Military’ is a Gay Bar on the West Side
Bimbette #1: So yeah, he decided to quit working at Cold Stone’s and go into the military.
Bimbette #2: Oh, okay, what part?
Bimbette #1: The military.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, which part? The Army?
Bimbette #1: No, not the Army — the military.
Bimbette #2: No, I mean the Army? The Navy? Something? The military isn’t a separate part.
Bimbette #1: No, it was just a general thing. Not a separate part. Just the military.
Bimbette #2: [Pauses] Oooh, okay!
–Borough Hall Station, 4 & 5 platform
Overheard by: Trish
I Have Good News and Bad News…
B&T girl #1, looking at gourds: That looks like a tumor!
B&T girl #2: That looks like my ovary!
–Union Square Farmers Market
Overheard by: Glynda
Like, ‘You’re Not Sexy’
Guy: ‘Live Girls’? The girls in the picture don’t look like sexy girls.
Chick: You’re right.
Guy: I mean, she looks mad. The black one? She looks like she wants to punch somebody. She looks like that guy from Seinfeld just said something about her.
–Urban Stages
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
What Mike Myers Has Been Up to Since Shrek II
Drunk guy, in fake Scottish accent: Anyone who doesn’t shut up will feel my cock against their stomach.
Drunk NYU girl #1: What if that’s what we want?!
Drunk NYU girl #2: Is he really Scottish?
–Crocodile Lounge, 14th & 2nd
Overheard by: eri
Now Hurry Up and Cum So I Can Take a Shower
Thug: You a fat slut!
Thugette: I ain’t fat, nigga!
–86th & Lex
