Flight attendant on intercom: If you need any additional lighting, just reach up and press the grey button above your seat.
Passenger presses the ‘Call attendant’ button.
Flight attendant: That wasn’t the grey button.
–JFK
Archive for 2006
I’ll Probably Cancel My Gourmet Subscription
Chick #1: I’m starving.
Chick #2: I haven’t eaten all day.
Chick #1: Do you have issues with food?
Chick #2: No, not really. Well, I tried throwing up after eating for a while, but I wasn’t really into it.
Chick #1: So, what do you do now?
Chick #2: I just don’t eat.
–Cafe at Bloomingdale’s
Hey, Whatever It Takes to Get Them Out of Diapers
Boy: Mom, why is there a line here and not on the boys’ side?
Mom: Girls go to the bathroom differently. You guys can just stand around and pee and make crosses. You know — how you and Daddy make crosses with your pee-pees?
–Line for women’s room, Radio City Music Hall
Didn’t Scientists Decide He Was Too Small to Be Considered a Philosopher?
Drunk chick: Let me tell you a quote from Pluto.
Drunk dude: From Pluto?
Drunk chick: Yes.
Drunk dude: Mickey Mouse’s dog?
Drunk chick: The Greek philosopher!
Drunk dude: That’s Plato!
–Bar, 3rd Ave & 63rd St
Overheard by: All2Often
So I Dumped Him for the Cat
Chick: I bet he’s fuh-reaky in the sack.
Friend: Definitely.
Chick: No… Like fuh-reaky… Like, not like normal freaky, how everyone needs to get it once in a while, but, like, weird freaky — like pulling up your pants and finding the closest exit. Did I ever tell you about the ice cream?
Friend, laughing: No!
Chick: This one time he was like, ‘Let’s have some fun’ and decided to tie me up. And then to, like, build anticipation or whatever, he went and got a bowl of ice cream.
Friend: Shut up!
Chick: I’m serious… And then I guess my damn cat decided he wanted a snack, too!
Friend, hysterical: Shut up! I can’t breathe!
–LIRR pulling into Penn Station
Similarly with Car 54
Teen girl #1: I didn’t know Where’s Waldo? could be considered a controversial book.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, because, like… some people can’t find him.
–Port Authority
Regardless, It Would Be a Great Conversation Piece
Hippie chick: They don’t use dryers in that country. I hung them outside.
Ditzy chick yelling over traffic: You what them?!
Hippie chick: Hung… Hung… Like a penis.
Ditzy chick: How do you hang a penis?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Kelly
That’s What Everyone Tells Me
Dude: Hey, how are you?
Chick: Good!
Dude: Yeah?
Chick: Yeah… I’ve been banging everyone, though.
Dude: Yeah.
–Stairwell, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
In That It Involved Me
Preppy boy #1: You went to her Sweet 16, and you didn’t know how to spell her name?!
Preppy boy #2: So what? What was the name of that bitch you fucked last night?
Preppy boy #1: Um, I don’t know… But it’s completely different! Totally different situation.
–Track 130, Grand Central
Overheard by: TheSlyVegan
Actually, He Was Totally Calling You ‘Fat’
Boyfriend to angry girlfriend: I’s just sayin’!
Girlfriend, apologetically hugging him: Aw, you didn’t say you was jus’ sayin’!
–Jamaica Station
Overheard by: Danial
