Archive for 2006

That Reminds Me; Flavor of Love is On

Teen girl #1: I like him cause he’s tough, but he ain’t thug.
Teen girl #2: Oh, he’s thug. He got that tattoo, he wears his pants all baggy and he got that great big coat.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he got that tattoo, but them other things…he just short.

–A train

Overheard by: iiams

Zero Christians Set to March in Union Square

Guy #1: What, you got a problem with me cursing?
Guy #2: Nah, nah, it’s just that, you know, sayin’ “holy fuck” is like talkin ’bout Jesus’s mom fuckin’ his dad and it’s not cool to talk about Jesus’s mom fuckin’ people.
Guy #1: Dumbass, Jesus’s mom didn’t fuck anyone. She was a fuckin’ virgin. How do I know this and you don’t? You’re the Christian.
Guy #2: What are you talkin’ ’bout? How could Jesus have been born if his mom hadn’t screwed his dad? Wait, who was Jesus’s dad again?
Guy #1: Dude, are you serious?

–F train

Oh, So Now It’s Our Fault?

The train has been sitting with its doors open.

Conductor: PA system test.

A dude leans out the door and yells to the conductor.

Dude: It’s working, now can we get a fucking move on?
Conductor: Everyone, it’s going to be a few more minutes while that guy thinks about what he’s said.

–Q train

That’s Not Even Poison to Malaria, Silly!

Waitress: Would you care for anything to drink?
British woman: What would you like to drink?
Latina mother-in-law: Whatever you’re having.
British woman: I’m having a glass of poison, would you like a glass of poison?
Latina mother-in-law: Mm-hmm.
British woman: Are you sure you want a glass of poison?

She nods.

British woman: We’ll have two gin and tonics.

–Hanratty’s Restaurant, Madison Avenue

An Apple in the Mouth is More Traditional

Man #1: Yo, your girl is huge.
Man #2: I like big ladies; more to love.
Man #1: But damn, she’s all, “Baby, give me more macaroni and cheese. Ooh yeah baby, put more cheese on top.” That’s sick, man.
Man #2: Yeah, but she knows how do to her thing, you know?
Man #1: Fuck that. She can’t even get through a sentence without running out of breath. Coughing and wheezing, sweat running down her face.
Man #2: What do you want me to do?
Man #1: Give her a fucking carrot or something! Shit.

–C train

Overheard by: Melissa Fahlstrom