Archive for 2006

I Hope Lois Had a Ce­sare­an

Tourist teen girl: I hope we see one of the Olsen twins.
Tourist mom: Oh, they were so cute on that show.
Man: Those kids were dis­gust­ing. They weren’t cute. They were hideous. They should have put bags over their heads. You know who is a cute ba­by? Stewie Grif­fin. You know, from The Fam­i­ly Guy? He wants to kill his moth­er and take over the world.
Tourist mom: Okay, thanks!

–W Train

Over­heard by: Ubiq­ui­tous At­tor­ney

Can Some­one Trans­late In­to Brook­lyn?

Teen girl: I would like to. Notwith­stand­ing, I–
Old la­dy: Nev­er say “notwith­stand­ing” in New York. Too long a word for here.
Teen girl: Why the heck…?
Old la­dy: Notwith­stand­ing and two fi­nan­cial em­pires have al­ready
col­lapsed! Where are you from, by the way?
Teen girl: Mis­soula, Mon­tana.
Old la­dy: You’re mak­ing my point, darling!…So, Red­ford says “notwith­stand­ing”? No kid­ding?
Teen girl: Robert lives in Utah.

–Trump Tow­er el­e­va­tor, 56th & 5th

Over­heard by: Bertrand La­tour