Archive for 2006

Getting Stroked (A NYC Short Story)

Hipster guy #1: Oh my god, fuck the Strokes! I’m here for Eagles of Death Metal! Yeah! Ha, ha! Fuck, I love eagles but I hate death metal!
Hipster girl: Where’s Julian? Where’s Julian?
Hipster guy #2: Shut the fuck up guys, this lead singer’s fuckin’ Dave Grohl or some shit!

–Hammerstein Ballroom, West 34th Street

Girl: Was it wrong that I totally didn’t enjoy that at all?
Guy: Uh…
Girl: I mean it was like every song is exactly the same and they’re just a bunch of 6 12 foot tall guys in leather jackets.

–34th between 8th & 9th

“Mr. Barton, phone call on line two.”

Girl: I’m not going to the gym today.
Queer: Oh my god, this is like the gazillionth time you’ve cancelled. Honey, no offense, and I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but you give me no choice. You’re starting to get fat. You need to start going to the gym, like, every day or no man’s gonna wan’t you.
Girl: You gays are so fucking judgmental. Oh, and since I’m such a fat cow, you can go find someone else to help you stretch and have to deal with your sweaty balls in their face.

–Starbucks, Park Row