Archive for March, 2007

Good In­sin­cer­i­ty, but You Blew Your Line

Big black man is mind­ing own busi­ness when two-year-old child sit­ting be­hind him slaps him in the back of the head.

Big black guy turn­ing around, star­tled: What the fuck?!
Child’s moth­er: What did I tell you about hit­ting peo­ple?! [Child shrugs his shoul­ders and looks con­fused.] I told you we don’t hit peo­ple. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooou­uu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slow­ly.]

–N train

Over­heard by: Try­ing not to laugh be­cause that guy was pissed!

The Idea Seems So Tawdry Now That I’m Pee­ing

Drunk red­head: Oh my god. I to­tal­ly tore Han­nah’s shirt tonight. I can’t be­lieve I did that.
Friend in stall: Oh, she does­n’t even care, don’t wor­ry about it.
Drunk red­head: But that was a new shirt! No one had ever worn it be­fore, and now I ripped it. I was go­ing to tell her to make up a crazy sex sto­ry about how it got torn, but I don’t know now.

–Re­stroom, Broth­er Jim­my’s, 80th & Am­s­ter­dam

Ac­tu­al East­er Bun­ny: That Hits a Lit­tle Too Close to Home

Teen #1: So this kid, Ja­son — every time we go to a par­ty, he takes a bunch of beers and hides them around who­ev­er’s house we’re at.
Teen #2: You mean, where no­body could find them?
Teen #1: Yeah — in a pot­ted plant, an un­der­wear draw­er, the mail­box — any­where that will en­sure him a beer lat­er on.
Teen #2: Christ, he’s like an al­co­holic East­er Bun­ny.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: der­win

How Lois Got a Sneez­er

Barista: Okay, and a name for your cup?
Tourist: What?!
Barista: Name for your cup?
Tourist: Why would I want to name my cup?!
Barista: Just tell me your name.
Tourist: I should­n’t have to tell you my name — what is your prob­lem? [Turns to friend] My lord, New York is so weird…

–Star­bucks, Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Megan Cowles

My Ring­tone Is “Vi­va Kwangju”

Con­fused col­lege stu­dent: My new cell phone is so ghet­to. It lights up when it rings. It’s like a Las Ve­gas show. But I think the in­side is nice. It’s like when you have a re­al­ly crap­py house, but it’s well-dec­o­rat­ed. Like, on the in­te­ri­or…
Queer friend: Yeah, that’s how Ko­re­ans live.

–ArtePas­ta Restau­rant, Green­wich Ave

Over­heard by: Smarter Col­lege Stu­dent

Why Ca­mus Wrote The Plague

Chick #1: You can’t, like, wear all black.
Chick #2: Well, not un­less you’re a beat­nik.
Chick #1: What’s that?
Chick #2: You know, the guys who wear berets and play the bon­gos?
Chick #1: Like the French?
Chick #2: [Nods.]Chick #1: Who knew they had bon­gos in France?!

–Man­hat­tan-bound 7 train

Over­heard by: Smarter than these two

What’s It Like?

Girl #1: What are you buy­ing?
Girl #2: Glue.
Girl #1: Why?
Creep­ster be­hind them: For sex.
Girl #2: No.
Creep­ster: She’s buy­ing it for sex.
Girl #2: Ac­tu­al­ly, no.
Creep­ster: Glue is for sex.
Girl #2: No, it’s for eye­lash­es.
Creep­ster: Ha­ha. Sex.
Girl #2: It’s glue.
Creep­ster: Oh, I thought you said, ‘lube.’ Lube is for sex.
Girls: [Silence.]Creepster: Ha­ha. Sex.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Shubester