Archive for May, 2007

A Tran­ny in the Clam Is Worth Two in the Tush

Art­sy 30-some­thing #1: I re­mem­ber this one pho­to­graph — this beau­ti­ful trans­sex­u­al Lati­no in a clam like the Venus de Mi­lo.
Art­sy 30-some­thing #2: Yes, I ac­tu­al­ly helped or­ga­nize that pic­ture.
Art­sy 30-some­thing #1: Oh, re­al­ly? How was she?
Art­sy 30-some­thing #2: Beau­ti­ful. She lac­tat­ed.
Art­sy 30-some­thing #1: Nice.

–Tea & Sym­pa­thy

Over­heard by: No milk in my tea, thanks.…

Head­line by: bri b

Run­ners-Up:

· “HeS­he’s a Lacti­na.” — Aman­da Lee

· “Out of her pe­nis.” — Kate

· “Wait un­til you see my men­strat­ing Pieta” — Sean McGurr

· “We named it Pe­nis de Milko” — Erez Schatz


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Yeah, War’s the Per­fect Time to Lose Your Faith

Pro­fes­sor: So, the gospel of Luke dif­fers from Mark in its con­cern about… [Walks across room to look at poster pro­mot­ing Iraq War protest, stud­ies it for a mo­ment, then re­turns to podi­um.] Sor­ry, I was dis­tract­ed by the war. [Stu­dents laugh.] No, re­al­ly. The things we’re do­ing right now are ac­tu­al­ly re­al­ly point­less in the world we live in. [Si­lence.] Okay! Back to pre­tend­ing my job is im­por­tant. Any­way…

–NYU

Barn-Cured Vir­ginia Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

La­dy: You did things to me while I was sleep­ing! The truth will come out! … Can I have a cig­a­rette?

–74th & Ridge Blvd

Con­duc­tor: There is no smok­ing on this train! There is no smok­ing on this train or the plat­form! I re­peat, there is no smok­ing on this train! If you con­tin­ue to smoke, I will stop this train and the gen­darmes will come and get you!

–Metro-North, Bronx

Dude on cell: Hold on one sec, I’m watch­ing Jim­my try to smoke a cig­a­rette right now and it’s like watch­ing a Spe­cial Olympics hur­dler.

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: djw

Girl on cell: Try smok­ing it. You should try smok­ing it.

–26th & Broad­way

Hobo peek­ing in train: Hold the doors for me, okay? I’m just go­ing to have a smoke.

–C train

Ston­er chick: What if we ac­tu­al­ly want to bake some­thing? We’ll have smoked all our vanil­la ex­tract!

–El­deridge & Riv­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Karin