Archive for May, 2007

A Tranny in the Clam Is Worth Two in the Tush

Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.

–Tea & Sympathy

Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks.…

Headline by: bri b

Runners-Up:

· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” — Amanda Lee

· “Out of her penis.” — Kate

· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” — Sean McGurr

· “We named it Penis de Milko” — Erez Schatz


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Yeah, War’s the Perfect Time to Lose Your Faith

Professor: So, the gospel of Luke differs from Mark in its concern about… [Walks across room to look at poster promoting Iraq War protest, studies it for a moment, then returns to podium.] Sorry, I was distracted by the war. [Students laugh.] No, really. The things we’re doing right now are actually really pointless in the world we live in. [Silence.] Okay! Back to pretending my job is important. Anyway…

–NYU

Barn-Cured Virginia Wednesday One-Liners

Lady: You did things to me while I was sleeping! The truth will come out! … Can I have a cigarette?

–74th & Ridge Blvd

Conductor: There is no smoking on this train! There is no smoking on this train or the platform! I repeat, there is no smoking on this train! If you continue to smoke, I will stop this train and the gendarmes will come and get you!

–Metro-North, Bronx

Dude on cell: Hold on one sec, I’m watching Jimmy try to smoke a cigarette right now and it’s like watching a Special Olympics hurdler.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: djw

Girl on cell: Try smoking it. You should try smoking it.

–26th & Broadway

Hobo peeking in train: Hold the doors for me, okay? I’m just going to have a smoke.

–C train

Stoner chick: What if we actually want to bake something? We’ll have smoked all our vanilla extract!

–Elderidge & Rivington

Overheard by: Karin