Crackhead #1: You went to Catholic school?
Crackhead #2: Yeah… Well, not for long ’cause I got kicked out for punching a nun in the face.
Crackhead #1: Wow. Did your parents get their money back, at least?
–L train
Archive for May, 2007
Good to Know There’s Some Common Ground
Black guy #1 walking behind a lady with kid: Damn! I didn’t know white women had butts like our black women.
Black guy #2: Me neither.
–Liberty Ave, Queens
Overheard by: nycgal
Mom’s a Reluctant Convert to Heterosexuality
Little boy: But Mom, what is my penis for?
Mom: I told you, if you have questions about that stuff, ask Daddy — not Mommy!
–Central Park South
Overheard by: L.L.
Unless It’s the One that Says “Punch Me in the Face”
Male employee #1 refolding shit-load of shirts: If I ever see a girl on the street wearing one of these shirts, I’m gonna punch her in the face.
Male employee #2: Yeah.
–Urban Outfitters, 11th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shelby
No Further Humps after That
Redhead: … And he’s been bottling this all up and I guess my freak-out just pushed him over the edge.
Blonde: Yeah, totally. Like the straw that tipped the camel over…
–Haru, 18th & Park
A Tranny in the Clam Is Worth Two in the Tush
Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.
–Tea & Sympathy
Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks.…
Headline by: bri b
Runners-Up:
· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” — Amanda Lee
· “Out of her penis.” — Kate
· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” — Sean McGurr
· “We named it Penis de Milko” — Erez Schatz
Yeah, War’s the Perfect Time to Lose Your Faith
Professor: So, the gospel of Luke differs from Mark in its concern about… [Walks across room to look at poster promoting Iraq War protest, studies it for a moment, then returns to podium.] Sorry, I was distracted by the war. [Students laugh.] No, really. The things we’re doing right now are actually really pointless in the world we live in. [Silence.] Okay! Back to pretending my job is important. Anyway…
–NYU
Yeah, but Is It Eat-Me-During-My-Period Hot?
Girl: God, whenever you kiss me on the subway your teeth hit mine! I think some drool got up my nose.
Boy: That is so hot.
–C train
Overheard by: Lauren
I’m Barred from Crate & Barrel for Life
Dude: So, what did you do?
Hung-over girl: I was really embarrassed at first and I tried to hide it. Then I was like, ‘Fuck it, yeah, I peed in your bed.’
–Restaurant, Chelsea
Barn-Cured Virginia Wednesday One-Liners
Lady: You did things to me while I was sleeping! The truth will come out! … Can I have a cigarette?
–74th & Ridge Blvd
Conductor: There is no smoking on this train! There is no smoking on this train or the platform! I repeat, there is no smoking on this train! If you continue to smoke, I will stop this train and the gendarmes will come and get you!
–Metro-North, Bronx
Dude on cell: Hold on one sec, I’m watching Jimmy try to smoke a cigarette right now and it’s like watching a Special Olympics hurdler.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: djw
Girl on cell: Try smoking it. You should try smoking it.
–26th & Broadway
Hobo peeking in train: Hold the doors for me, okay? I’m just going to have a smoke.
–C train
Stoner chick: What if we actually want to bake something? We’ll have smoked all our vanilla extract!
–Elderidge & Rivington
Overheard by: Karin
