Archive for August, 2007

Too Bad We Can’t Say the Same for You

Drunk boyfriend at party: Babe, get me some chicken on a stick.
Annoyed girlfriend: Get it yourself.
Drunk boyfriend: But I might make a mess and embarrass you…
Annoyed girlfriend: I don’t care anymore.
Girl passerby, handing him chicken on a stick: Here, have some chicken!
Annoyed girlfriend: Maybe you should date her.
Male passerby: Yeah, she seems like a keeper.

–Gibson Studios, W 54th, between 9th & 10th

He’s Going to Be One Disappointed Dead Guy

Teen boy #1: We’ve had three or four pregnancy scares.
Teen boy #2: What?!
Teen boy #1: Yeah. One time it turned out she just skipped her period… But it just feels so good to finish inside! It feels heavenly. It’s probably what it feels like to meet God.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Taylor

Who Would Be Middle Aged And Be Sober?

Middle-aged lady: Look at that girl! Drunk and it’s not even four PM!
Friend: She’s not drunk, it’s just her shoes!
Middle-aged lady: But… Who would wear high heels and be sober?

–1st & 1st

Overheard by: eliza… the one with the heels

Headline by: Lalaith

Runners-Up:
· “British Comedians in Drag?” — Barry P.
· “I’ll Take Old Trades for $100, Alex” — Martin de Bruin
· “She’s Also Not a She. Not Originally Anyway.” — eric bostrom
· “The Same People Who Wear Crocs While Not Stoned Out Of Their Minds” — Cecilia
· “With Ann Coulter, You Can Never Be Sure.” — Jon T

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Waiter, There’s a Fly in My Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: I’m on my way to Outback Steakhouse! No one knows I go there.

–E 13th & 5th

Mom to teen daughter: This is a very interesting place. It kind of has a European feel. 

–Au Bon Pain, 8th St

Pixie-hipster girl: Yeah, y’know, I haven’t done much since I moved here. I’ve mostly been walking around the village eating at vegan restaurants.

–Rocks Off Concert Cruise

Loud chick on cell: You know I don’t believe in going to chains in New York…

–Cosi, 77th & Broadway

Overheard by: me neither

Chubs: Restaurant week is like Hanukkah for us fatties!

–Little West 12th & 9th

Overheard by: j9

Wednesday One-Liners Keep K‑Y in Business

Man on cell, playfully: Who are you? Who are you? Why are you in my house? Who are you? Where’s my wife? If I come home and you’re still there, I’m going to stick a hot sausage up there… A hot sausage up there! And a hot dog up your butthole. A hot sausage up there and a hot dog on the other side, and we’ll see who gets which one first.

–President & 5th, Park Slope

Overheard by: Nick Draven

Chick: I don’t know how much further up his ass I need to be. I mean, I’m already really far up his ass already…

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Alan

Hipster girl: … And then he had his finger up my boyfriend’s asshole!

–Cargo Cafe, Staten Island

Student: If a steak comes out of your butt, I’ll worship you. Screw school — you can just win bets by betting on whether a steak will come out of your butt. Just put a towel and move it away and be, like, ‘Ta-da!’

–CCNY

Overheard by: Liz