Drunk boyfriend at party: Babe, get me some chicken on a stick.
Annoyed girlfriend: Get it yourself.
Drunk boyfriend: But I might make a mess and embarrass you…
Annoyed girlfriend: I don’t care anymore.
Girl passerby, handing him chicken on a stick: Here, have some chicken!
Annoyed girlfriend: Maybe you should date her.
Male passerby: Yeah, she seems like a keeper.
–Gibson Studios, W 54th, between 9th & 10th
Frat boy: Yo, those chicks are hot. Let’s cat-call them. How do you cat-call?
Friend: Ummm…
Frat boy, yelling: Cat-call! This is an official cat-call!
–E Houston & Mulberry
Overheard by: barapa
Old frat boy #1: So, I heard you have a pee fetish.
Old frat bay #2: I’m not gonna lie, I’ve peed on some girls in my day.
Old frat boy #1: Awesome.
–Bar, Spring St
Teen boy #1: We’ve had three or four pregnancy scares.
Teen boy #2: What?!
Teen boy #1: Yeah. One time it turned out she just skipped her period… But it just feels so good to finish inside! It feels heavenly. It’s probably what it feels like to meet God.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Taylor
Middle-aged lady: Look at that girl! Drunk and it’s not even four PM!
Friend: She’s not drunk, it’s just her shoes!
Middle-aged lady: But… Who would wear high heels and be sober?
–1st & 1st
Overheard by: eliza… the one with the heels
Headline by: Lalaith
Runners-Up:
· “British Comedians in Drag?” — Barry P.
· “I’ll Take Old Trades for $100, Alex” — Martin de Bruin
· “She’s Also Not a She. Not Originally Anyway.” — eric bostrom
· “The Same People Who Wear Crocs While Not Stoned Out Of Their Minds” — Cecilia
· “With Ann Coulter, You Can Never Be Sure.” — Jon T
Clerk to woman trying to use debit card: You have to confirm.
Woman: How I do that?
Clerk: With the keypad you’re holding.
Woman, using keypad as cell phone: I confirm!
–Electronic store, Times Square
Overheard by: French dude
Girl holding tally sheet: Do you want to stick this in my thinger?
Male coworker: You’re lucky it’s me. In the real world–
Girl holding tally sheet: –In the real world people wouldn’t take it there.
–NYU SCPS
Overheard by: she’s lucky i’m gay
Black teen #1, after horror movie preview: Oh, snap, yo!
Black teen #2: Stop being black at the movies!
Black teen #1, in a high voice: Oh, that was totally cool!
–Regal Theater, 42nd St
Overheard by: Rachel
Man on cell: I’m on my way to Outback Steakhouse! No one knows I go there.
–E 13th & 5th
Mom to teen daughter: This is a very interesting place. It kind of has a European feel.
–Au Bon Pain, 8th St
Pixie-hipster girl: Yeah, y’know, I haven’t done much since I moved here. I’ve mostly been walking around the village eating at vegan restaurants.
–Rocks Off Concert Cruise
Loud chick on cell: You know I don’t believe in going to chains in New York…
–Cosi, 77th & Broadway
Overheard by: me neither
Chubs: Restaurant week is like Hanukkah for us fatties!
–Little West 12th & 9th
Overheard by: j9
Man on cell, playfully: Who are you? Who are you? Why are you in my house? Who are you? Where’s my wife? If I come home and you’re still there, I’m going to stick a hot sausage up there… A hot sausage up there! And a hot dog up your butthole. A hot sausage up there and a hot dog on the other side, and we’ll see who gets which one first.
–President & 5th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Nick Draven
Chick: I don’t know how much further up his ass I need to be. I mean, I’m already really far up his ass already…
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Alan
Hipster girl: … And then he had his finger up my boyfriend’s asshole!
–Cargo Cafe, Staten Island
Student: If a steak comes out of your butt, I’ll worship you. Screw school — you can just win bets by betting on whether a steak will come out of your butt. Just put a towel and move it away and be, like, ‘Ta-da!’
–CCNY
Overheard by: Liz
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist