Archive for September, 2007

Oh, Kristin Chenoweth, You’re Plen­ty In­tim­i­dat­ing!

Guy: You re­al­ly should move. It’s not safe there.
Girl: Yeah, the woman next to me got robbed re­cent­ly.
Guy: If I ever walked in­to my house and saw a nig­ger stand­ing in my liv­ing room, I’d fuck­ing un­load a full clip in­to him. He’d start mak­ing ex­cus­es, but I would­n’t fuck­ing care. Then I’d pick up the phone and call the po­lice and tell them I killed him. And he’d say, ‘Nooo!’ and I’d say, ‘Yep, got a dead body on my prop­er­ty,’ and then I’d blow his nuts off.
Girl: Oh… Well, I don’t usu­al­ly car­ry a gun around with me.
Guy: I al­ways car­ry a gun with me. I would run out with my shirt off and my gun in my hand and scare that fuck­er.
Girl: Well, I don’t think I’d be that in­tim­i­dat­ing.

–Cre­ma Restau­rante, 17th & 6th

Over­heard by: Aubrey

I Know, Right?

20-some­thing to friend: … And she said, ‘Twen­ty dol­lars? She of­fered me 20 dol­lars for bills af­ter stay­ing with me for a whole month? I’d wipe my ass with that 20-dol­lar bill!‘
Hobo: One 20-dol­lar bill ain’t enough for that huge ass!

–23rd & 5th

Hey, What Are Friends For?

Girl: Men are dicks.
Friend: It’s al­right. You’ll get a new guy soon — you’re cute!
Girl: I know. I’m just sad.
Friend: Well, the sun will come out to­mor­row. Have you ever heard of it be­ing cloudy for­ev­er? No, be­cause that’s im­pos­si­ble… Ex­cept for af­ter a nu­clear holo­caust, in which case you should just kill your­self.

–4th & Mer­cer