Chick #1: He was being all flirty and nice and asked me to meet him out dancing.
Chick #2: He is so cute. What did you say?
Chick #1: Hell no. He’s married. I heard that and ran like a hooker from the cops…
–A train
Overheard by: Jim W.
Archive for September, 2007
‘Cause I’ve Got a Great Program I Could Put You On…
Skinny jerk: Yeah, so she’s about a buck ten now, five foot two.
Fat jerk: Oh, that’s great.
Skinny jerk: Yeah, but I had to beat it out of her.
Fat jerk: [Stares.]Skinny jerk: How much do you weigh now?
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: Shusha
Might Be Time for Career Movement
Male employee: I need to take a crap.
Girl coworker: Thanks for sharing.
Male employee: I have been waiting, though.
Girl coworker: Why?
Male employee: Because after that the highlight of my work day is done.
–N Manhattan Ave
Actually, in Trenton, You Do
Tourist: Is this the 1:13 to Trenton?
Suit: No.
Tourist: Oh, well, where is that?
Suit: Are you just, like, picking track numbers and hoping for the best? Go read the screen, you dumbass.
Tourist: You don’t have to be rude.
Suit: You don’t have to be stupid.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Erin
Checking to See If He Lives with His Mother
Lady: What are you doing today?
Man: Nothing.
Lady, suddenly excited: By the way, do you do laundry?
Man: Yeah, why?
Lady: Well, I never heard you talking about doing your laundry before.
Man: Okay… Why would I want to talk about doing my laundry? [Rolls his eyes.]Lady, embarrassed: I hate when you’re right.
–D train
Overheard by: Ana
Girl: That “I’m Really Catholic” Ploy Works Every Time
Dude #1: Did you go home with that girl last night?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was up all night. She was like a fucking porn star — stuck her finger in my ass!
Dude #1: Porn star? That girl had a face fit for radio! And she told me that she was really Catholic!
Dude #2: I told her I’ve only been with two girls, and then I tried to stick it in her ass!
Dude #1: You are a real scumbag!
–36th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peter Persico
What?! We Don’t Have Our Own Stairs?
Woman #1: Why don’t we take the elevator?
Woman #2: Don’t we have to wait in the line?
Woman #1: Oh, no, we’re faculty. We can just go up.
Guard: Join the line for the elevator, please!
Woman #1: Oh, we’re faculty.
Guard: And you can join the line for the elevator, please.
Woman #1: Ugh. I’ll just walk up to the third floor, then!
–Silver Center, NYU
True, but He Only Does It Every Five Days
Guy, about colleague’s showering habits: Yea, you know, I have an eye for that kinda stuff. Need to make sure people stay clean ‘n fresh ’round me. Know what I’m sayin’?
Girl: Are you sure? Because–
Guy: –Nah, yo. He must shower early in the morning or late at night. Or else somewhere in between.
–On the bus
Overheard by: Nabz
I Used to Have Them Backwards, but I Was Dead Wrong
Professor: What words do we get from the name Aphrodite?
Student #1: Hermaphrodite.
Professor: Yes — from the union of Aphrodite and Hermes. What else?
Student #2: Aphrodisiac!
Professor: Good! And what is an aphrodisiac?
Students: [Silence.]Professor: Are you all Victorians? Come on… What’s it called when one uses something to arouse sexual appetite?
Student #3: Necrophiliac! [Class laughs.]Professor: I have to advise you to invest in a dictionary, as it’s simply prudent to know the difference between a necrophiliac and an aphrodisiac. Hopefully, you won’t ever need to thank me for that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Cairo
What a Plot Twist!
Man: How much for two double‑A batteries?
Bodega worker: The good ones or the one-dollar ones?
Man: The dollar ones.
Bodega worker: One dollar.
Man: I’ll take two.
Bodega worker: That will be two dollars.
Man: Two dollars?!
–30th & 6th
