Archive for November, 2007

Now I Remember Why I Stopped Having Kids

Little kid, refusing to eat soup: I already ate a chicken patty this morning!
Mother: Shhh. Do you see anyone else in this place yelling?
Little kid: You’re making me yell!
Grandmother: Eat the soup.
Little kid: Stop making me yell!

–Panera Bread

Overheard by: happened to be working on my laptop

Mom Had Quite a Mouth on Her

Customer: How you doin’?
Postal worker: I’m working harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Customer: Sounds pretty bad.
Postal worker: Well, it’s better than my mother. She used to say she was working harder than a one-legged whore working both sides of the street.

–Grand Central Post Office, 45th & Lex

Stop Singing and Lick Me

Chubby chick #1: Oh my god, you know who I look like and who I sound like? I saw like this really, really old CD of Barbara Cook, and she’s so much fatter than me, but we sing exactly alike! [Sings.]Chubby chick #2: I don’t really think I look like anybody. That’s not true — I look like a Gummi Bear.

–Starbucks, 52nd & Lex

I Took Him Shopping

Queer #1: I had a dream last night that I had cancer, but Ty Pennington showed up and built me a house!
Queer #2: The real question is, did you also have sex with him in the dream?
Queer #1: Come on, that would have been tacky!

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Kyle