Girl #1: I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to sleep with him unless we’re in a relationship, but I’m afraid to give him an ultimatum.
Girl #2, after a pause: Well, he wants to sleep with you, so I’m sure he’ll say yes!
–A train
Archive for December, 2007
She Has Slut-dar
Middle-aged man with suitcases: So, where’s the airport, honey?
Russian chick: Oh my god. Oh my god.
Middle-aged wife: What? Newark Airport?
Russian chick: This isn’t the airport, slut!
–Port Authority
He Felt Guilty about Attaining Enlightenment
JAP #1: Is he a Juddhist?
JAP #2: A what?
JAP #1: You know, a Jew Buddhist.
JAP #2: Oh, yeah, totally.
–7 train
Overheard by: Ein Berliner
He Also Predicted We’d Find WMDs in Iraq
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please bear with us, as we are experiencing delays due to train traffic up ahead.
Crazy guy: I knew that! I could’ve told you that! [Burps loudly.] I told you that!
–F train, 75th St, Forest Hills
Overheard by: trench coat commuter
Beer Companies and Star Wars Nerds Have Little to Fear
Girl: You’re on crack. Nobody’s just going to start calling the Empire State Building ‘ESB.’
Guy: If I do it often enough, it might start a trend.
–Empire State Building
That’s Code for, “I’m Lost, Too”
Man: Excuse me, could you tell me where–
Biotech, interrupting: –Look, I don’t have time to make up fake directions.
–W Broadway
Headline by: Trey Jackson
Runners-Up:
· “And This Rudeness Is Two Seconds Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back” – Markle
· “And, Being a New Yorker, I Certainly Won’t Give You Real Ones” – Yana
· “Mapquest’s Employee Of the Month” – Claire
· “Or The Knowledge for Real Ones” – DIck
· “So Take a Left Over There” – emily bess
· “Take a Cab. Be Sure You Tell the Driver You’re from Out Of Town.” – jnr
Not on a Full Stomach
Law gal #1: This is more pointless than giving a butt-ugly girl a nice haircut.
Law gal #2: Hey, a nice haircut helps.
Law gal #1: Have you looked at me lately?
–NYU Law Courtyard
Jeff Housebroken? Never Happen.
Woman #1: I told Jeff the best way he could propose to me would be to tie the ring around the neck of a cute puppy…
Woman #2: Housebroken.
Woman #1: Right.
–10th & 6th
Overheard by: Don
Now Tell Me, How Were Your Areola Expectations Not Met?
Drunk girl: I don’t know. I think I need new nipples.
Bartender: Well, maybe you should show me. I’m a nipple connoisseur.
–Caroline’s, Broadway
Overheard by: not kidding
College – High School = One Minute
Guy #1: Hey, where you going?
Guy #2: It’s about 3:15 — I gotta go to class.
Guy #1: This is college, not high school. You don’t have to be on time to class.
Guy #3: So, what are we gonna do?
Guy #1: It’s 3:16! I’m late for class!
–CUNY City Tech
Overheard by: Benny